Who Are You?
I got to thinking today (always scary) about this blog. About this blogging community. About being a blogger. About Twitter. About it all. And dudes. I got all deep on my damn self.
My lifestyle is pretty isolating. I actually don’t mind this. It might sound all kinds of sad to some of you that I’m alone all day working and that I only leave my house to either drop off or pick up my kid from daycare. I don’t have coworkers to bother me. I don’t have anyone to take a walk with to get a break. I don’t have anyone to eat lunch with or gossip about who hooked up at happy hour. Surprisingly, I ENJOY this. At times it’s lonely, sure, but for the most part, it’s fine. I am fine with it.
However, I use social media (Twitter, Facebook and the like for those of you living under a rock) to interact with people. People who I’ve been able to form relationships with via this medium. People that may only know me via this blog or via the things I post on Twitter. Some wise person I chatted with this morning said something I think is truly real,
“If your life is three dimensional, your blog is only one dimension of that.” And it’s so very true.
I spent a big part of the day yesterday unsubscribing in my reader and unfollowing people on Twitter that haven’t made an effort to interact with me. And I think this is the BEST part of this medium; the choices. In school or at work, you can decide you don’t like someone yet you need to figure out a way to be kind to their faces. Hallway etiquette. You have no choice but to look at them on a regular basis. Online? They can just be deleted. It’s a wonderful thing.
But there were also a handful of people that I couldn’t bring myself to delete. People I’ve never received a comment response from or a returned @ reply (which started out as my delete criteria). People who have written controversial blog entries that get my blood boiling. People that tweet authoritarian tweets on subjects they have no business being authoritative on OR people that consistently complain about how shitty their lives are from the comfort of their four bedroom house or from their iPhone while driving their new SUV. SHUT UP. Find something to be grateful for! Yet, I can’t disconnect. It’s like I need to give them more chances. It’s like I need them to prove to me that they are more than posts on why no one should vaccinate and why everyone should breastfeed until Kindergarten. That they’re more than the being that is fortunate enough to be home with their kids and still take three vacations a year. Let me see that there’s more to you than that. Show me your other dimensions.
I think it’s because I really don’t want to judge anyone. (Really, Self? Did you just read that last paragraph?) I, for one, HATE to be judged. Back during BlogHer09 there were quite a few posts from bloggers that did NOT attend the conference talking about how awful it was. How it was cliquey. Terms like “a sorority” and “buying friends” were thrown around. Maybe someone at BlogHer had that experience, but I didn’t. My experience was the exact opposite of that. And by making a comment – a JUDGEMENT – about something they didn’t even get to live through first hand, was really upsetting to me. Because I got lumped in there. Unfairly.
I have been really fortunate in that the people I have met in person after only knowing them online have been exactly how I imagined them to be. I’m grateful for them. I call them friends. I think about them often. I hope I know all their dimensions. I want to think that I do, but if I haven’t met you, do I really know you? Are you the person on your blog? Are you really the voice of your twitter stream? Or do you have a tendency to say things online that you wouldn’t typically say in person? Do you hide behind the ability to choose? Behind my ability to choose? If I don’t like what you have to say, then I can just unfollow/stop reading, right? Is this satisfying to you?
Who am I? I am what you see here, BUT I practice with kindness in the lead. If I don’t have anything nice to say, I don’t say it. I don’t stir drama in comments sections on other people’s blogs. I don’t write controversial political (or otherwise) posts. I’m sensitive and I write what I feel. I tweet my life. I try damn hard to refrain from whining and controversy. I simply think it’s more peaceful that way. And that it doesn’t belong in this space. I hate conflict and I wouldn’t ever want to say anything online that might hurt someone – just as I wouldn’t say anything hurtful in person. I’m just wondering if you do the same.
Do you have a criteria for this medium? Are their rules in your internet world? Are they the same as your real in-person world? Who are you?
I’m like you, but damn if something gets stirred up I WILL say something (i.e. MamaPop and the NICU Dugger baby bash) if it relates to me. I don’t go looking for drama and I try not to start it.
I felt very free unfollowing some people and taking them off my blogroll. But you’re right, some people need another chance. And it’s hard to know when to stop expecting change.
LOVE YOU!
samantha jo campen´s last blog ..Parent: 1 Child: 0
February 18th, 2010 | #
For me, it’s not that I want to give them another chance; it’s more that I’m afraid I’ll miss something important if I leave. There are two bloggers that consistently annoy the EVER LOVING HELL OUT OF ME, but I can’t NOT read them. WHY, Sarah, WHY? Because I .. if I were to be 100% honest, I kind of enjoy getting annoyed with them. Like I’m affirming myself and who I am by disagreeing with them.
.. which sounds lame. And yet. Here I be.
I saw the message that BlogHer early bird pricing is ending soon. Which was a big ole wakeup call that I need to get my bootie in gear and get a pass SOON.
February 18th, 2010 | #
My criteria seems to be about the same as yours. I don’t post drama, I don’t revel in drama. It’s not my thing. Even if I think it, I don’t put it online. I’ve been around long enough to know how it goes. Sure it’ll get you attention, but it will also get you headaches. I think we all read it, though, and then wonder “why the hell do I KEEP reading this?”. It’s like a car accident.
C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Good Times
February 18th, 2010 | #
I am everything I appear to be in my various forms of social media. What you get there is 100% authentic Dawn. But it’s not *all* of Dawn. I am selective in what I will share. There are some things that remain deeply personal to me, and you won’t see them posted there for just anyone to dig up from my archives. I save those bits & pieces for the people who I meet or see in flesh & blood, or with whom I will share a heartfelt email. So, no, I’m not all of me on my blog or in my Twitter stream, but what *is* there is all fragments of the person–the attitude, the personality, the way I treat people–I am in a non-digital format. Also? Dawn is a drama-free zone. I avoid drama like the plague, in “real life” as well as online.
Dawn´s last blog ..Monday Stream of Consciousness: February 15, 2010
February 18th, 2010 | #
this gave me a lot to think about…! while i am EXTREMELY GRATEFUL for all the real life connections blogging/social media has given me – and i include people i haven’t technically met in that; i definitely think some of my online-only connections count as “real life” friendships! – that’s not really WHY i blog. well, it’s not why i READ blogs, more accurately. once i have formed a friendship or connection with someone; yes. but before that: i want to be entertained. so someone like the bloggess, whose site i don’t think i’ve ever even commented on and i’m SURE has never replied to me, has a very safe place on my reader because i just love reading her
February 18th, 2010 | #
Tough question! I’m hoping that as I get older it will all be clearer and clearer (totally stealing that idea from Oprah!!). Online I try to be as honest as I can be while still respecting the privacy of my family and my job. I don’t want to get fired for the slight possibility of gaining some followers. I don’t want to incite a family feud because I need to vent. I definitely don’t want to be judemental or unkind. I DO want to be liked, inspired, understood, laughed at/with, open-minded, brave… I am a complainer- in real life and in blog life. This is something that bothers me so much and I think sometimes my blog takes the brunt of it so that in real life I can be more pleasant?! I dunno- I just love being a mom and I love other moms and I don’t know many in real life, but I like to think I know some in blog life. I’m really looking forward to Blogher and luckily, everyone I read who went really loved it last year!
Ann´s last blog ..Valentine’s Fail
February 18th, 2010 | #
I unsubscribe the second I feel like the writing is more about getting traffic or making money than about providing good/thought provoking content. I don’t mind sites making money, but in terms of what I subscribe to? I don’t want to be reminded of that fact.
I also don’t like mean people. They suck. The end.
February 18th, 2010 | #
Well….balls. I tend to bitch and complain on Facebook and my blog. Twitter comes and goes for me.
I am in real life the way I am on my blog. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I just wrote a post about things others may believe vs what I may believe. Like vaccinations.
There’s a couple blogs I read and have no. damn. clue WHY I read them. They come off as bitches who want to always say how wonderful their life is and how many writing gigs they have going and blah blah blah. But, I can’t NOT read them and it annoys me.
I don’t mind reading posts containing controversy–I may not necessarily comment on them, but they don’t bother me. I enjoy reading what someone REALLY thinks and not just another “today I did this and then that” post.
My rules online are the same as they are in person: if you don’t take an interest in me, a genuine interest, here’s the door. You don’t comment on my FB posts/pictures, blog posts, etc….it shows me you just want me on your Twitter stream, FB page or Blogroll because it boosts your number of followers/friends. I? Don’t have time for that.
Wanna meet IRL?
February 18th, 2010 | #
I think I’m way nicer on my blog than I am in person, mostly because I can’t stand controversy/drama. As for BlogHer, let people say whatever they want, I know if I hadn’t gone I never would have been able to hug you in person. xo
annettek´s last blog ..ribbit
February 18th, 2010 | #
I feel you man! I had this exact discussion with a member on my last tour in Costa Rica. Times really are changing. Before, friends would take the time to meet up, be social, and hang out.
These days, its all about social networks where all the interaction occurs online. We lose the sense of close friends.
Victor´s last blog ..Broiled Lobster Tails
February 18th, 2010 | #
I find myself going through a similar ‘purging’ of my online stuff. After so long I just get SICK of the drama. And rather than let it make me want to stay away altogether, I realize, HEY! I don’t HAVE to read/follow anyone who doesn’t make me happy! That’s not to say I don’t read those with opinions or lifestyles different than mine, but there’s a big difference between that and people who just can’t get over themselves. heh
Jen´s last blog ..anniver-surgery
February 18th, 2010 | #
I have been asking myself: Do I enjoy how I feel when I read _________. If I don’t I’m getting rid of it. I figure it things change for SoandSo someone will say “Hey, did you hear SoandSo has a new attitude!” and I can check it out again….in the mean time I am happier without it.
February 18th, 2010 | #
I’m struggling with the social media and how social to be for different reasons. I don’t work from home and I have lots of contact with people during my work day, but they are under 18 and those conversations fall flat a lot. I use social media to do a little venting and think through a lot of stuff that I have rolling around in my brain. I have never done it for traffic – because lord knows I don’t get any and what I’m thinking probably isn’t all that interesting. I know that my blog is pretty much true to self, which might not mean anyone likes me more for it, but its me. Its nice to have a place that has all those pieces on it, but it doesn’t fill too many social voids that I have, just outlets that I need.
February 18th, 2010 | #
I recently had the opportunity to meet @napwarden (who is EXACTLY the person I expected her to be after reading her blog) and had a bit of an epiphany. The people that strike me as fake or annoying or whatever that I try to avoid online were the same ones she felt the same way about, leading me to realize that if we would all stop looking at the train wrecks, they would probably fade away. I’m on a mission to get them out of my twitter stream soon, even though I know there will be drama and fallout. Everybody will get over it sooner or later. And if they don’t? Oh well.
Also, I 100% agree with Cass’ statement that blogging gives you one dimension. For the vast majority of the people I’ve met in person, that’s exactly what it was. They are who they claim to be, but since nobody would ever write about every single minute of every single day, there were elements of the person not quite represented online. It’s not at all a bad thing. In fact, it’s a very good thing.
Burgh Baby´s last blog ..Ding Dong! The Whore is Dead!
February 19th, 2010 | #
I did the purge thing recently too, and for me it ended in getting off Twitter. Which was sort of hard in some ways and really freeing in others. I tend to pull everyone I meet online into my life – the people I enjoy reading I pull into facebook and other places, and twitter ended up being too much noise from people who I frankly wouldn’t spend ANY time with in real life.
This has given me more focus on who I actually want to know more about and I’ve been happy with that. Maybe I’ll be back to Twitter someday, maybe not.
I also agree with Burgh Baby re: train wrecks. There was just too much drama on twitter for me, I don’t have the heart to know all the world’s suffering or lose faith in humanity because of all the bad things/people out there. There’s a reason I don’t watch the news (I internalize WAY too much) and until I can grow up and stop clicking on links I know will affect me I need to stay away.
I miss talking to lots of people, though – you included.
bessie.viola´s last blog ..special guest
February 19th, 2010 | #
I go through ebbs and flows of following a bunch of people and then getting sick of following a bunch of people because the people I do want to talk to get lost in the noise.
I think a lot of people have a ‘blog persona’ and then who they really are. It’s when those people are radically different that you run into issues. I’d like to think that who I am on the interwebs and IRL are the same – a sort of WYSIWYG philosophy.
PrincessJenn´s last blog ..Follow Friday: Talk To Me, Goose
February 19th, 2010 | #
There are a couple of people who I don’t think I like that I keep in my reader. I don’t know why. I think it is because I’ve been with them so long (I didn’t figure out that I didn’t really like them until I had been reading for awhile) that I feel like we have a connection. Good or bad I feel like they are part of my world. Doesn’t make much sense.
Because I started blogging about adoption and the adoption blogging community was pretty tight, I have had the pleasure of meeting many of my online friends. And 99% of the time they are exactly who I imagined them to be. I am amazed at how close I am with people who I interact with almost entirely online. Blogging really has been a blessing in my life. Facebook is weird but has allowed me to make local friends. Twitter is…well I’m not sure. Some days I love twitter and other times I’ll go days without signing in. I don’t feel as connected to people on twitter.
Michelle Smiles´s last blog ..VD keeps on giving
February 19th, 2010 | #
I think that I am pretty much the person that I portray on the internet (that sounds a bit dumb, but oh well) Have I met people who aren’t like they are online? Yes. Sometimes we still click but other times, we don’t. Like in real life, I say what comes to mind, I like that on the internet I can revise, edit and delete if needed. Once the words leave my lips I can’t take them back as easily if I offended someone unintentionally.
The friendships that I form online are real, just as real (if not more so) of the ones in real life. People in real life aren’t interested in how you really are doing or what’s really going on. Sadly we live in a how ya doing-I’m fine society.
I look forward to what other’s have to say.
domestic extraordinaire´s last blog ..The Bliss Recap is on hold today due to a Lion
February 19th, 2010 | #
I’m pretty well the same person on my blog that I am in real life. I don’t post about arguments with my husband or the fact that my ILs suck because that is something I don’t even discuss with my friends. I’m pretty open and honest because that is who I am in real life.
Truthfully, it’s ok that some of my blog reads are raging republicans or extremely religious or too WASPish for words or whatever else I might not be as a person as long as I like the person. When I stop liking the person or they make their blog about numbers and not about people, I delete them. I don’t care if they are making money, it’s when that is their sole focus. The same goes for anyone who pushes their way or the highway, belittles people, or is in general a miserable bitch. The first time it was hard, but now I feel like I’m all about surrounding myself with people who care about the connection.
And for what it’s worth I’ve never been on Twitter and likely won’t. Too much noise makes me cranky and I have a wee Facebook addiction to keep up with. Plus, I just don’t freaking get it.
Michelle´s last blog ..Randomness for your Friday.
February 19th, 2010 | #
I have a few rules. I don’t write about my in-laws but that’s about it in terms of my content. I comment and read the people that move me and try to stay open to the person’s words and not their numbers. Also, I try not to say anything to someone on twitter that I wouldn’t say to someone in a room full of people. I don’t get twitter arguments that are so voyeuristic. Email! DM! Don’t call someone a shithead just because you know a few hundred people are seeing you do it.
But I get pretty deep about this medium often, too.
February 19th, 2010 | #
[...] – Brought up a really good point in one of her posts this week – Are you more forgiving and tolerant of people on the interwebz than in real [...]
February 26th, 2010 | #
kudos to you for posting this candid piece. it’s very well written and insightful. as for me, i found myself nodding my head in agreement with you when you described your somewhat isolating life. mine is quite similar, though my 22 month old is home with me. nevertheless, social media as a whole has been and continues to be a great outlet for me. as far as my own blog is concerned, i do not shy away from controversial/taboo topics, and those who read my blog know this and either like that aspect of my writing or click the X and don’t return… or leave me fun hate mail that i wipe my ass with. but in terms of “who am i”…. i am a writer. take me or leave me.
great post. very well done.
nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..passing time
February 27th, 2010 | #
Hi there – I’ve followed you on Twitter for some time now and have always found your tweets amusing and interesting. This is the first time I’ve actually read your blog and I love it. So anyway, thanks for being candid and hilarious in your tweets.
~Franksbeans
March 30th, 2010 | #