Unblock
I don’t know how else to get this blog back on the side of Blog and less on the side of History. It just has to come pouring out. So much. So much to write about and say and the desire not to forget it all, but while being bogged down under the pressures of everything, it gets lost. Never written. Never recorded. Because it’s just that I have too much to say.
Like how the baby? She’s not a baby anymore. She talks. She says a new word every day. A new, clear, perfectly understandable word. She mimics. She understands. She dances. She expresses every emotion. She’s a big girl. She’ll tell you! “Beegurl”. There’s no more baba’s, only “beegurl” cups. She gets snuggle blankets in her crib. She walks to her classroom and back to the car holding a hand. She eats ice cream from a cone and has almost perfected using a fork. She comes in the house, points to her zipper and says, “Coat?” She unties the strings of her hat from under her chin. She walks to the bathroom, points to the sink and asks to wash her hands. There is no more baby.
Like how Dan finally bought his fancy new camera and is on his way to finally doing something that he loves. He’s created a website and a Facebook page (become a fan here) and he’s so giddy and happy with that thing. That thing. That enormous, heavy, intimidating piece of equipment. I’m so scared of it. I prefer to admire it from a distance. However, it has taken some pretty fantastic shots of our daughter in the last month. And it’s the reason that I don’t really have many photos of her on my own camera(s). If you miss her face, check his Flickr page.
Like how sometimes I’m so stressed and so pressured and feel pulled in twenty directions. How sometimes I wonder if it’s all going to work out. How I question every decision I’ve made in the last 6-months. How I hope it’s all worth it. How I can’t figure out how I got here. How I need to make it better… but I don’t know how.
Like how I wish I could remember what it felt like to truly disconnect. To not care. To not worry. To take a real vacation, a day off, a sick day. To not have to wonder if someone’s looking for you, needing you, asking for you. To sit on the couch and not chew my fingers because I don’t have time to sit on the couch. There are 35-million things that I need to do. That I should be doing.
Like how I could cry at any point in time. How I’m just so close to being pushed to the edge. That in 12-seconds I could fall apart. And then I wonder. What would they do if *I* fell apart? I’m not supposed to fall apart. I can’t fall apart. And I don’t.
Because then I realize I’m so lucky. I’m so lucky to have an amazing husband who is the best father a kid could ask for. How my kid, even though she pushes every button I have and didn’t know I had, is a pretty damn awesome kid. And she is loved. Loved by so many. And so am I.
I hear you. I really do. I think it’s just part of being a mom. It’s a crappy part, but a part nonetheless.
What I wouldn’t give for a vacation. Not with my kids, but with my husband. Sigh.
Kristin´s last blog ..Different
February 4th, 2010 | #
Nothing to regret about this post…it’s just what every mom feels, I think.
February 4th, 2010 | #
Yep, it’s a mom thing. It’s so hard, and so wonderful, and so confusing all at the same time!
Dee´s last blog ..Little Reminders
February 4th, 2010 | #
I have nothing to say that hasn’t been said above soooo……
a) I think you’re 32 shades of awesome and want to stalk you in person
b) I looked at your husband’s pictures and became a fan on Crackbook (awesome pictures!)
c) It blows my mind how fast our babies go from babies to little people in no time
d) Did I mention I want to stalk you in person? Ask LF’s Mommy…she’ll assure you I’m not scary
Kellie´s last blog ..Place Your Bets!
February 4th, 2010 | #
oh finding the balance is a constant battle. I’ll ‘get it’ for a few weeks- or maybe just a few days- then I feel like I’m losing control again. It’s a cycle, and you’re certainly not alone (not that it makes it any easier!) My answer is to just try to take things one day at a time. it’s tough *hugs*
Jen´s last blog ..insanity, round two
February 4th, 2010 | #
Hey Mommy……………………………
February 4th, 2010 | #
I think every mother I know could have written this post at one point or another. You are not alone.
February 4th, 2010 | #
You are so much stronger than you realize, than you give yourself credit for being. We see it though. And when you think you can’t take even one more baby step without crumbling, we’ll cheer you on. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just let the words spill out.
Dawn´s last blog ..I Want Wednesay: February 3, 2010
February 4th, 2010 | #
Me, you, and RR doing the day after the O.C. episode recap… that’s a great memory from back in the day that I hope puts a smile on your face!
February 5th, 2010 | #
Like others have said, some of it is part of being a mom.
But if you’re feeling like your on the edge and super emotional all the time, listen to that. There’s something going on. Don’t punish yourself further by saying “Oh, I have a gorgeous family. What’s wrong with me?”
I was there too. I felt like I wanted to cry at the drop of a hat. EVERYTHING was overwhelming (even the thought of doing laundry). It was all just too much. And I got to the point where I was saying “I can’t do this”.
And then someone finally convinced me to go to my doctor. Depression. Probably late onset PPD. The right meds have help immensely. I feel like I can do stuff again. I’m not saying this is your case, but just putting it out there as food for thought.
(hugs)
PrincessJenn´s last blog ..Follow Friday – I’d Hit That
February 6th, 2010 | #
I think we all have those days when it’s like everything is happening at once, and without a pause button, we start drowning. Hopefully tomorrow will afford you a minute or two to catch your breath and regroup.
Burgh Baby´s last blog ..Wisdom in the Midst of War
February 8th, 2010 | #