The title of this post is the answer to the question that, since I work from my quiet house, I didn’t have get to answer eleventy million times today, How was your holiday?

In my previous post I mentioned my Granddad being ill and how he was admitted to the hospital last week. He actually came home on Thanksgiving Day and it was a huge victory. He still felt weak and sickly, but he was able to take a shower and spend time with family. While we had already committed to spending Thanksgiving with my Father-in-Law and family, I wasn’t able to see Granddad on Thanksgiving. However, on Friday, LFM took Bean and Dan and I headed over to my grandparents’ house, stopping to get some sundry items from the store for them. We had a very nice visit. Granddad looked WORLDS better than he had when I saw him in the hospital. He was animated and telling us stories and spent quite some time going through the mail (mail is big when you’re elderly. Huge, really.). He got up and walked laps around the main floor of their house telling us, “Walkin’s good for me. Keeps the blood movin’.” We agreed. It was so nice to see him up and around.

Apparently Saturday wasn’t a very good day for him. He didn’t feel well enough to eat. He was coughing more often. He didn’t feel like he had made much of an improvement. I later found out from my cousin that while the hospital sent him him with a prescription, they didn’t send the actual medication and my grandmother wasn’t able to get out to pick up the actual prescription. He had been without his meds for 48-hours.

Sunday, my Dad saw him and said that he was feeling better than Saturday, but not great. I called over there last night and spoke to him on the phone. I told him how Lyla cut three teeth over the weekend and how she’d been a drooly, snotty mess. I could hear him smiling over the phone. He liked hearing about her. But that cough of his. That damn cough was still there. And his breathing was labored. I could hear it through his voice.

This morning I found out that he went back to the hospital first thing. After another sleepless night and frustration and fear of just not feeling any better, he actually asked to go. My uncle drove them and my father met them there and when they got into the ER, the staff immediately gave him oxygen. Dad said that he drastically improved. His color returned and he perked up some. They are going to admit him to the hospital again. That’s all the information I have. I don’t know how long he’ll be there. I don’t know if there’s more than just fluid in the lungs to worry about. I don’t know if there’s anything they can do about his lack of nutrition. I just don’t know.

What I do know is that he was home this weekend. For Thanksgiving. He sat in his spot at the head of my Aunt’s Thanksgiving table. I can visualize him there surrounded by people that love him. I’m sorry I wasn’t there, but I’m more grateful for our visit on Friday. Our one-on-one time. Where we could pay attention to each other and no one else. I’m thankful for that.

So really, while all of this completely sucks, the weekend and the holiday were actually quite nice. We had a great Thanksgiving at FIL’s who put on such an amazingly delicious spread, it was almost criminal. Lyla enjoyed playing with her cousins and loved trying some turkey, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie. Oh the pie. The PIE! I can’t stop thinking about this pie. Best. Pie. EVER. AND! I was able to get my kid’s hair into two pigtails which is totally a celebratory milestone in case you didn’t know.

Saturday we decorated our tree. Yes! It’s a good old fashioned Griswold family Christmas up in here. Our house is done and I’m sure I’ll be helping Mom with hers this weekend. The living room looks so pretty and I love sitting there with just the tree lights on. It just makes the room glow.

Sunday I went to see New Moon with my girls and it was fabulous. I could NOT stop drooling over Jacob and the fact that he spent 90% of his scenes shirtless totally made the whole movie for me. Edward shmedward. Team Jacob. Even my kid knows how it is:

So even with all the sad news and wonder and waiting, we are keeping on. Because that’s what you do.

And in the famous words of Clark W. Griswold:

“Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”

Amen, Clark. A-men.

Quickly. A few thoughts.

A photo essay of our trip to Miami. Not pictured: The stress we caused my mother while we were there. Toddler + Two devil Yorkshire Terriers + My having to work + Teeny House = My Mother Wishing We Left On Monday Instead of Thursday. Anyway, here’s some shots of our better moments:

Celebrating Mom’s birthday at Mr. Chow’s. Not pictured: The foodgasm I had shortly after this photo was snapped.

Visiting Mema & Pop. Not pictured: The amazing joy and love felt that day.

Girls Night Out with Amber. Not pictured: The hideously large bar tab that got us in trouble with the husbands.

A couple of beautiful hours on a couple of different days spent in the sand. Not pictured: Her Daddy who was sorely missed on this trip.

Came home Thursday night to not-so-good news. My Granddad had a bad, bad cold while we were away and he’s been diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure. They admitted him to the hospital Saturday morning. We visited today and he’s doing better than he was last week. He was alert enough today to curse at his beloved Jets and read an article in the Post about the Yankees wanting to get rid of Matsui that pushed his buttons. He has most definitely not lost his spunk, but the woods. We’re still in ‘em. Prayers are appreciated if that’s how you do things. Strange how fast these things happen. This photo of him with Lyla and I was taken the weekend before we left for Florida at a birthday party for my Dad. I just love it.

Also in the sad-news department…

I never met Anissa Mayhew, but my heart breaks for her and her family since the news of her stroke last Tuesday. I’ve added her to my daily prayers and I look for updates each time I’m near the computer. A young (age 35) mother of three children that has had her share of horror in her life doesn’t deserve this. Prayers and sunny good thoughts go out to Anissa, her husband and children. Hope for a speedy recovery.

And in the not-so-sad news department!

The fabulous Cass from Cass Just Curious, and one of my very best friends, took some photos of the entire Pocklock clan this morning with the goal of me getting the Holiday Greeting Card printed and mailed sometime before, well, Christmas Eve. Now my hardest decision will be picking which photos to feature! I can’t show you all of them because, well, that might ruin it! However, if you visit her blog or her flickr site, you can see a bunch of her faves. She’s quite the talent!

Thank you, Cass. This was such an important morning for us to have. We needed something light and fun to focus on and you made it happen. I’m extremely grateful. Thanks for being a part of our lives. xo

So enjoy the photos, pray for my Granddad and Anissa, and set out to have a positive week. I’m certainly going to do my best to focus on good energies and positivity. Looking at this little face will definitely help.

Today is a day of remembrance, a day of celebration, a day of prayer.

Today we remember the Veterans who lost their lives fighting for our freedom.

Today we celebrate those who made it home to their families from fighting our wars.

Today we pray for those who are still overseas doing their duty, protecting our rights, fighting for their country. We pray for the families stricken with fear as their sons and daughters, husbands, wives, fathers, mothers serve every day on the front lines. And we pray for those that have lost…

Today is not only Veterans Day. Today is also the birthday of a very special little girl. A little girl whose life and spirit touched so many people during her short time here. A little girl taken too soon from those that loved her and knew her beautiful smile.

Heather & Mike, my thoughts are with you and beautiful Maddie today on her second birthday. Her spirit lives on. Not a day passes where I don’t think of her and the both of you.

Happy Birthday, Beautiful Girl.

All photos property of Heather Spohr

Please consider a donation to Friends of Maddie today in honor of Madeline’s second birthday. For more information, click here.

Quick Sick-Kid Update:

Honestly, you guys? THANK YOU. Thank you so much for your kind words regarding The Fever. Your unconditional support is awesome. I feel so validated for my worry after reading your comments. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

The urine test was negative. Everyone’s convinced that this was just a virus. A bizarre virus, but a virus. And Dear Virus? I HATE YOU. She had a good day yesterday with only one dose of Motrin at 8:30am and then some Tylenol before bed. She has slept better the last two nights and this morning woke up bright eyed with her usual rosy cheeks and clear eyes. She’s at school and greeted her teacher with a big hug at drop off. No tears, just a wave and “Buh-bye” when I kissed her. I’m hopeful that we’re near the end and though I eye my phone with the occasional glance-o-worry, I think she’ll be fine today.

Onward.

In the world of Constant Mommy Freak-Out, if you haven’t heard about the enormous Maclaren stroller recall, you either a) don’t have little kids or b) live under a big rock.

I actually consider myself a little bit of a Gear addict. I like my life to be simple and I work hard to make it that way. I have a car seat in every car, a stroller in every trunk, and diapers and wipes on every floor of this house. Yes, we are lucky enough to afford to do this. I’m well aware that people can only afford one stroller, but thankfully for my addiction, we are able to afford two.

One of them is the Big Guy, the Phil & Ted Jogger. I wanted this stroller for a few reasons. One, my husband runs and I thought it would be cool for him to take the baby on occasion. Two, this converts into a double stroller with the simple addition of a jump seat. I knew that by spending the money on this one up front, when we are blessed with a second child, I won’t need to buy another big clunky double stroller. Three, all the cool kids had one.

Some of the downsides to the Phil & Ted? Dude. It’s huge. And it’s heavy. And the freaking tires are never full of air. And it’s tough to fit around clothing racks in Macy’s. And every time I collapse the damn thing, I’m afraid I’m going to lop off a few phalanges.

Speaking of amputated digits…

Our other stroller? The Maclaren Triumph. One of the millions of strollers involved in the recall by Maclaren due to reports of 12 children losing their fingers when the strollers were collapsing. Hmm. The way I see it? There are two ways to look at this.

Way the First: Keep your damn kids away from the thing as it’s folding up. There! Problem solved! However, I know that I don’t yet have a two year old, or a three year old, or a stubborn, willful four year old that will simply do as they please faster than you can scream, “GETYOURFINGERSAWAYFROMTHESTROLLER!” SO! I will reserve judgment. Sort of.

Way the Second: OMFG! I need a new stroller before my kid looses half her arm!

I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I love my Maclaren. Like the Phil & Ted, it has a just a few negatives such as the fact that the diaper bag won’t fit in the basket underneath, I had to buy the little velcro-on attachment in order to get a cupholder, the straps are a little wacky, and it doesn’t recline very far, but I really like the ease of use it provides. It’s easy to drive, it’s light, and it takes up very little space in the car. I actually recommend this stroller to practically every expectant mom I meet.

Gulp.

Lyla and I are scheduled to fly to Florida on Thursday. I planned on taking the Maclaren with me because it will be so much easier to navigate in the airport. Well, I still could. As long as I keep her away from it when we’re folding it up, but… I envision a few hundred people in the airports and on the sidewalks of Miami Beach stopping me to ask me if I’ve heard about the recall. I won’t have time to get the repair kit before we leave. These factors have led me to begin researching new lightweight umbrella strollers and man. I am stumped! It seems like Maclaren has really cornered the market on these types of strollers. I really feel for their PR department.

I called our local Babies ‘R’ Us and USA Baby. They recommended three similar strollers to the Maclaren: The Mia Moda (model type not provided), Peg Perego Aria (this looks huge to me), and the Chicco Trevi (also looks huge to me). Brief googling of them and, meh, I’m not wildly impressed.

Do you have a non-Maclaren lightweight stroller? What do you have? Do you like it? Is it durable? Would you recommend it? (Can I borrow it on Thursday?)

Or are you a Maclaren owner? Are you as sad as I am about this news? Are you going to replace your Maclaren? If so, with what?

Maclaren, how will I ever quit you?

For those of you that aren’t connected to me on Facebook or haven’t picked up on my few Twitter updates about my sick little girl, here’s the long, drawn out, painfully detailed history. 1926 words of history. A post that has proven to me that if I just freaking blogged more, I could save you all the NOVEL that is Catching Up. Lesson learned. Hold on tight…

Two Sunday’s ago, 10/25, we took Lyla to the ER because of a fever of 102.7 that was not coming down despite Tylenol, Motrin, tepid baths, or any other method we tried. The visit went quickly and they were extremely respectful of the fact that I didn’t want to me in a germ infested waiting room with a baby. We were taken back to a curtained area within 20 minutes of arriving and were out of there in just under 2 hours. I was surprised and pleased. She was diagnosed with a double ear infection. Due to her allergies (that we’re really not 100% convinced of) to Ceflosporins and Amoxicillan, she was prescribed five days of Zithromax. I kept her home on Monday, she woke up from her nap fever free, and the rest of the week was completely normal. We had a very Happy Halloween (I started a picture post last week and lost it in all the drama) and then Sunday came again.

Last Sunday she woke up in the middle of the night. She had been pulling her ears earlier that night so I had given her Motrin. She didn’t feel warm to me, but she was certainly upset. We were up most of the night. That morning we got her dressed as normal and Dan took her to school. She was a little out of it, but we just thought she was exhausted from being up all night. I had a horrible gut feeling about the day and sure enough, at 10:15am, her teacher called. Her temp was 102 and I had to come get her. On top of that, she wasn’t allowed back the next day. I immediately panicked. My Mom had left for Florida two days before. My immediate back-up plan for a babysitter was 1200 miles away.

I attended a conference call at 11am that morning with Lyla laying across my lap unwilling to move, burning up with fever, and trying to sleep. If I moved or even just twisted my weight in my chair, she would let out this painful squeak. I was dying inside.

As soon as my call ended, I begged Dan to come home over IM. I knew she’d need to go to the doctor and I had to work. I hated feeling that pull. I just wanted to be a Mom at that moment. I didn’t want to have to think about anything other than her. I didn’t want to have to decide between caring for my kid and working. It was the worst feeling ever.

We took her back to the doctor Monday afternoon. Since her birth, she’s been seen at the same Family Practice that Dan and I go to. They’re affiliated with the hospital and I like all but ONE Of the doctors in the whole practice. Since there are so many, I can typically avoid her so it’s not a big deal… for me. The problem is that only two of them seen children. And I love them both, but actually getting an appointment with one of them when she’s sick is impossible. We wind up seeing another doc that doesn’t have the pediatric specialty and then I always wind up questioning the diagnosis and treatment… like this time.

The doctor on Monday afternoon told us her ears were still red and prescribed another antibiotic. This time for ten days. I was not happy with that diagnosis. I hate antibiotics. Especially with her history of acid reflux, the antibiotics can aggravate her stomach for MONTHS.

However, it seemed to work. I had to keep her home on Tuesday and again, by noon, the fever was gone. Thankfully my sister-in-law came to help me in the morning and I was able to balance both work and kid for the afternoon, though I hated doing it. At one point I was trying to write up notes from a conference call and she was just sitting on the floor in front of me crying. Just wanting my attention. Wanting a hug. I died a little more inside.

Wednesday morning she woke up happy and fever free. I sent her back to school, told them we were back on antibiotics and raced home to try to do as much work as I could in case they called me again. I called to check on her at 10:30 and was told she was totally fine. Happy and playful and totally herself.

I finished my day at 4pm, ran to the grocery story because we were out of Diet Coke (TRAGIC!) and even went to a Zumba class at the Y (which was AWESOME!). I went to pick her up at 5:30 and when I opened the door to her classroom, I noticed that she was half asleep on one teacher wearing different clothes than the ones I dropped her off in and the other teacher is under the table cleaning up puke. Apparently in the last hour, she had spiked the fever again, drank some water, ate some cheese and then immediately vomited. I felt terrible. When I took her out of the teacher’s arms, she was crying. And she was burning up. Again.

I brought her home and she fell asleep on me for about 45 minutes. When she woke up, she ate some dinner. I called the family doctor again and they just weren’t concerned. They said it was normal to still have fever 48 hours after antibiotics. I wasn’t satisfied with that answer, but what choice did I have at 8pm at night?

I kept her home Thursday. She ran a fever all day. Low, but still fever. I kept her home on Friday too because she woke up with 101.8. Friday I begged off of work. I needed to get to the bottom of this. I had tremendous guilt as I am really close to delivering my first big project and felt I needed to see a crucial day of deadlines through, but my kid needed me. I owed her more. I spent all morning trying to find another doctor. I needed a Pediatrician. And if that Pediatrician couldn’t see her, I needed to be guaranteed that another Pediatrician would. As much as I loved the two Family Practice doctors that have cared for her since she was 6-days old, I couldn’t justify staying there.

I couldn’t get into the first practice we tried, but got an appointment at the second one. After filling out a days worth of paperwork and personally delivering her entire medical record from the Family Practice to the Pediatric office, I got an appointment for her for that afternoon.

We saw the doctor and I launched into the history of the last two weeks. He checked her ears first and proclaimed that they were better and no longer infected. He then asks me questions about other symptoms.

Sneezing? No.
Coughing? No.
Any respiratory difficulty? No.
Vomiting? Just the once and I think it was a reflux attack.
Diarreah? No.
Discharge from her eyes? No. Mouth? No. Nose? None other than the occasional dried booger.

“Well”, he says, “I wish our first visit could’ve ended better.”
Me: Huh?

He tells me he can find no reason for the fever. He also said that he didn’t think it was flu as flu typically has more respiratory symptoms associated with the fever. He said as long as she’s eating (yes) and drinking (yes) and sleeping, then it’s most likely a virus, though he didn’t know of a Fever Only virus circulating. Neither did I.

He told us to come back in the morning and that they would try to get a urine sample. He mentioned a catheter because it’s quicker than waiting for her to pee in a bag. I turned white.

We made an appointment to come back in the morning and I drove off with even less answers. He wanted her off the antibiotics. Now I didn’t even have an ear infection on which to pin this fever. I cried all the way home listening to my phone buzz with text messages and emails from all the people that love us wanting an update. I had nothing to tell them.

Saturday morning she woke up with a temperature of 99.8. I hoped we were nearing the end. All three of us went to the doctors office prepared for the worst. I was hoping I wouldn’t faint when they did the catheter procedure. I couldn’t stop thinking over and over how if I could just trade places with her… if I could just make this go away…

They decided against the cath and just put a bag in her diaper. Naturally she didn’t pee. For hours. And they were closing at 1. Lucky me, I was given an extra bag and was told to try for Monday if I was unable to get them anything before they closed. I prayed that by Monday we’d be looking at the extra bag and laughing.

It doesn’t appear to be that way.

Last night her fever went away for a few hours. We were celebrating my Dad’s birthday and while we were there, though she was extremely quiet and very cuddly and even laid down on the floor a few times, she was cool. Her head was cool, he hands were a normal temperature. And she hadn’t had Motrin since before her nap. I was hopeful.

We got home late and I put her to bed only to have her wake up an hour later moaning. I went in and sure enough, she was hot again. I gave her Motrin and she slept peacefully the rest of the night.

This morning, she woke up fever free. I felt like dancing! But that dance didn’t last. After breakfast, she heated up again. And it hasn’t quit all day.

She took at 3.5 hour nap. She just seems so tired. Her eyes look funny. Her color is pale. She’s not herself.

I took her temperature before her bath and it was back up to 102.1. I looked at her and we both started to cry. I hate this. I hate this more than anything. I hate that tomorrow morning I have to make a decision again and risk losing my job. Because I contract, there’s no one else to pass the work to, really. Everyone’s busy. Everyone has a full plate and when you become the one they can’t count on, well, it makes sense for them to move to someone they can count on. This whole working mother thing? It’s hard. FUCKING hard.

So that’s where we are. No other symptoms, none of us have gotten sick, no other kids at school are sick – except one little girl in her class had something similar as she also ran a fever for 4 days, but it never went over 101 and was down to 99 on day 2. Lyla’s is definitely higher, less consistent, and not moving in one key direction… DOWN.

I obviously need to get her back to the doctor tomorrow. I just want answers. Why can’t someone tell me what’s wrong? Why can’t they fix this? A fever for five straight days is not okay. It’s not normal and it’s not dismissive. It’s NOT okay.