Dear Lyla,

Today you turn one. Well, not until 11:27pm tonight so I guess you’re not really ONE yet, but this is in-fact, your birth DAY.

I’ve sat down to write this post a million times in the last week. There’s a lot I tried to do in the last week, including write your birth story. (I am committed to doing that soon, by the way) I just haven’t been able to gather myself together and get the thoughts down. I get lost in the memories and wind up daydreaming. I open the picture folders on my computer and sit for hours flipping through them; watching you grow up before my eyes. I have no idea how the last year is already gone. I see the photos and videos of the first few minutes of your life and I think that’s still you! You’re still that little! But you’re not. You’re no longer 9-lbs of angry baby. You’re a little person. A little person that has full conversations with anyone who will listen. A person who gives hugs and kisses, claps, hands, waves bye-bye, does So-Big!, points to her nose, and eyes, and ears. You understand Binky, Sippy, Kitty, and much more. You learn something new every day.

You still have the same amazing smile you did when you were just four-weeks old; the first time we saw it. You love your Daddy so much that you just squeal with excitement when you hear his key in the door at night. You love music and singing E-I-E-I-O. You love to swim and play with water. You’re just so, so much fun.

You’re bonding with everyone these days. Your grandparents, your friends, your cousins. You just love to watch other kids play. You enjoy walks in the stroller and trips to the store and mall. You charm strangers with your coy grins and chubby legs. You are our little live doll.

Daddy and I are so proud of you. We’re also so proud of ourselves for making it through this past year. We’ve had some great challenges and have leaned on each other to see them through. We also have had some absolutely amazing, memorable moments. We’ve burned these moments into our memory and will hold on to them forever only to one day share them with you.

There just aren’t enough words to explain how perfect you are. Each day I look at you and I can’t believe you’re mine. I still don’t understand why God gave you to me. This perfect little angel that is sweet and loving and so amazingly beautiful. And you are ours to love forever.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl. Mama loves you with all her heart and soul.

Edited to add, the official photo of the official One-Year old picture officially taken last night, 8/25/09 at 11:27pm.

We will skip the horrendous drive home. We won’t talk about the fact that I win, hands-down, NO CONTEST mother of the year for today. You know, the no snacks, late breakfast, no snacks, hardly any lunch, no snacks, and 7-hour car ride in hideous traffic with NO SNACKS kind of day really deserves an award. My poor child. And Man, did she ever hang in there. Right up until about 500 feet from our road. And that’s when the whining was kicked-up to, “YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. GET ME OUT OF THIS STUPID CAR AND GIVE ME A PIECE OF CHEESE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!” levels.

We well did that.

And then we took her swimming and left the pile of post-roadtrip bags and laundry that was vomited in our foyer right where it was. We NEEDED that swim.

This weekend was just perfect. It was definitely what I needed. Well, I needed at least one more day, but this was awesome. The place we stayed was so beautiful. The town of Ogunquit is so cute and fun and everything was within walking distance. We made this weekend about us. We threw routine and schedule to the wind. The baby napped in the car between activities and went to bed late. We all ate like crap (Lyla had her first slice of pizza as well as ate pancakes, a hot dog, grilled cheese, ice cream, and even a french fry – absolutely NOTHING was organic and very few vegetables or fruits crossed her lips) and counted the long walks as workouts. We enjoyed each other, laughed, snuggled, and had great conversations. It was over way too fast, but this truly was an amazing trip.

Flickr set to come, but here are a few of my favorite photos from the weekend.

And I’m off to tackle the laundry and sob in my pillow about tomorrow being Monday.

PS: Click-thru to see the amazing new header designed by the fabulous Cass. The girl is awesome.

PPS: We met up with these folks for dinner on Friday night and had SUCH a blast. It was so wonderful to meet them and their incredible sweet and so well behaved children. We had a great time and can’t wait to do it again!

Dear Daniel,

I didn’t know it was possible to love someone a little more each day. To appreciate them and respect them and believe in them deep in my soul. To truly know what it’s like to have a best friend and confidant. To discover new things about you every day that only enhances the existing feelings of love and trust. To see the love of a father and the awe in his daughter’s eyes grow stronger each day. I didn’t know it was possible for me to be here, but I am here. And I don’t want to be anywhere else.

In three years you have been the most incredible husband. You support me and love me in every way. You pick up the slack. You’re incredibly kind. You love with your heart on your sleeve.

In the last year you have been a model Dad to our little girl. She doesn’t know it yet, but one day she will understand how incredibly lucky she is to have a Dad like you. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for her. My favorite time of day is when you walk through the door and I see the look on both of your faces – reunited like it’s been years when it’s only been hours. She just adores you. I do too.

I’m the luckiest wife in the world to be married to you. I thank God every day for our paths crossing. I don’t know where I’d be if that day hadn’t come.

I love you. With all that I was, all that I am, and all that I will be.

Happy Anniversary.

Love,
Allyson

There was no Nintendo, no computer, no X-Box or Playstation. It was just me, her, our bikes, and thirteen acres to explore.

Her grandparents owned the farm. A farm I don’t remember being a farm, but I remember the old barns. I remember exactly how they smelled. Musty and old. Humid and dense. I remember exactly how little light streamed in the small windows along the tops of the walls and through the cracks in the roof. I remember the darkness enveloping me and being afraid of the door closing behind us. I remember stepping back outside and taking a deep breath of summer; squinting my eyes at the brightness of the sun.

I remember sticky humid nights spent walking through the high brush between our two houses; hanging on to the last bits of daylight not wanting our summer to end. Listening to the crickets chirp away. Swatting the mosquitoes. Catching fireflies, or “lightening bugs” as we called them, putting them in jars and having them serve as night-lights on our bedside tables.

We were always outside. Usually barefoot. Exploring. Tree climbing. Berry picking. Getting dirty and sweaty, sunburned and sticky. Laying in the grass in the shade, looking up at the sky and watching the clouds turn into ice cream cones and dinosaurs and rabbits. It was how summer was defined.

I remember the rash. I saw it first on the inside of my wrist. A bright red circle surrounding a dot. I said nothing about it. Later that weekend during a bath, my Mom noticed the rash covered my entire body. She has recently read an article about it. We went to the doctor that week and confirmed that I had Lyme Disease.

I was put on antibiotics. I never had to swallow a pill before this. Some days I could do it and others I couldn’t. Sometimes Mom had to break the pills apart and put them in applesauce. I could taste the medication. It was gross. I think about it every time I eat applesauce.

I also wasn’t allowed in the sun because of the meds. I remember wearing my step-dad’s long sleeve shirts to cover most of my body whenever outdoors. I remember this putting a huge damper on our summer days.

Aside from being bummed out at the noticeable amount of sunburn I wasn’t getting, I handled my first bout with Lyme pretty well. I don’t remember being sick. I don’t remember feeling sick. I just remember having a hard time swallowing the pills and being pissed off at the big brimmed hats and long-sleeve shirts I had to wear to keep the sun from hitting my skin.

The first time I had Lyme Disease, was relatively painless.

There are so many things I could write about. So many ideas that are totally entire post worthy, but I’m going to cop out and challenge myself to get this across in streamlined bullet-ease.

I took a vacation from my blog for a week because:

• I was extremely stressed out, full of anxiety, and depressed due to current things in my life in which I’m unable to blog about. Because I couldn’t use this as an outlet and I was consumed, I needed to stay away.
• I was convinced that there was just one thing contributing to my state-of-mind last week and it turns out it was more than one – one being that I must’ve miscounted and AF showed up this morning.
• With that little bit of information, I’ve now totally self-diagnosed myself with having this and I plan to call my OBGYN about it and get some advice.

I feel a lot better today because:

• See link above to how everything feels lifted after AF arrives.
• We ARE going to go away for our anniversary this weekend and the place we are going involves a beach!
• AND we’re going to be able to finally meet up with these amazing people that I’ve been tweeting and emailing with and reading each other’s blogs for over a year now. I can’t WAIT to meet them, IRL.
• BUT all of you need to do some serious good weather hoping. Though rainy day activities include outlet shopping and I’ll probably be just fine doing that.

I have officially joined Weight Watchers again and:

• I forget how easy this is as long as I keep snacks (0 Point snacks) on my desk all day.
• I forgot how much I crave quesadillas when I can’t have them.
• I hope lobster isn’t a million points since I plan on eating it in bulk this coming weekend.
• I’ve decided I’d rather be fat than work out. So Jillian? Kiss my flabby ass and broken knees.

I’ve been working on a long post. One that was spawned by a friend putting a status update on Facebook that included a link to a video on Lyme Disease. This video.

For those that didn’t know, I fought Lyme Disease twice in my life and it’s really a continued battle and a hidden handicap I will live with forever. I’m writing my story. I hope to complete it this week. It will be posted in parts due to length.

So, I apologize for the absence. It was necessary, but I’m back!