Disclaimer: If you are fortunate enough to stay home with your children, please either skip this post or read with an open mind. I am a working mother. This is how my life is right now. If I wanted to adjust my lifestyle and change it in a way that would allow me to stay home with my kid, I would do that. However, I choose to continue living the way I live and The Way I Live requires me to work. Please do not scream at me or judge me for choosing to put my kid in daycare. Just go read something else.

Disclaimer B: This post was written in IE which does not have an awesome spell checker like Firefox so you are now privvy to the fact that I SUCK at spelling and most of the time make-up words that I only change when FF tells me via its squiggly red line that, for example, squiggly is NOT a word. Consider yourselves warned.

I absolutely love our daycare. The program is fantastic, the families are great, the teachers are all certified teachers, it’s clean, green, etc. I’m confident knowing that my kid is in good hands during the day and that it’s just not a place she goes to be kept alive while we work to feed and clothe her. The one weekday I do keep her home with me I question if she’s in the best care because I’m always trying to do 70 other things and I can’t devote as much time interacting with her that I know she gets at school.

The last couple of weeks I’ve been noticing litte things that irritate me. I don’t know if I’m just all of a sudden noticing, or I’m going through a sensative (HA!) phase, or if I just have a bug up my ass about having to work so I’m looking for reasons to get mad about leaving my kid. It’s hard to judge whether or not these are real concerns.

The two main teachers in Lyla’s classroom are great. I like them a lot. They love her. She always smiles when she sees them. I’m never sad leaving her in their care. However, I’m not naive in thinking that they are the ONLY two teachers in the room all day every day. I know they take breaks and I know other teachers that Lyla may not know as well come in and out. There’s always a different one there at night when I pick her up and this is where most of my uneasyness (is so a word) is stemming from.

Situation The First:
When I picked up one night this week there was one teacher in there and four kids. This is within state ratio, no issue. Two of the kids were toddlers and two babies – one baby being MY baby. The other baby was having her diaper changed, my kid was sitting on the floor in front of the mirror playing happily with some plastic rings and the two toddler boys were trying to climb on a chair. I scooped my kid up and held her while I gathered her stuff, the whole time watching the two boys compete for chair space. Then one of the boys tried to push the other off the chair and when he did that, two of his fingers landed in the other kids mouth. Guess what happened next. Even though I was standing right there I couldn’t move fast enough. I just watched in slow motion as the one kid chomped down on the other’s fingers as hard as he could. To the point where his head was shaking.

Now GRANTED, the teacher in the room had a baby up on a changing table that she couldn’t exactly leave to pry one’s fingers from the other’s mouth. When she asked why one was crying, I explained what happened and she made the other boy apologize and give hugs.

No report was written.

No ice was given.

She eventually walked over and checked out his fingers. There wasn’t any broken skin and the little boy had long stopped shrieking and went to find something to play with.

About three minutes later, The Biter’s mom showed up.

Nothing was said about the biting.

Why did this bother me? Would I want to know if my kid bit someone? YES. Would I want to know if my kid was bit? YES! So why didn’t she say anything? Would it have been too much work to do an Incident Report and put something on record when she knew the boy’s Mom was going to show up any minute? This is what I’m thinking, but it’s still irking me.

Situation The Second:
I got stuck in traffic last night and arrived to pick up just TWO minutes before they would’ve officially closed and I would’ve been charged an arm and four toes to pay a teacher to stay with my kid. Naturally she was the last to be picked up from her room and she was in there alone with again, a different teacher, one of the non-regular baby room teachers. I expected this (as heartbreaking as it is to be The Last One Picked Up) and was hoping I’d walk in to see her playing one-on-one with the teacher getting some undivided attention. Instead I found her sitting on the floor with a book by herself.

The teacher was packing up our things. And while this was a REALLY nice gesture and she said when I walked in, “I just didn’t want you to be rushed.” and I’m thinking, “Honey, I have no where to go. You’re the one that wants to get out of here so don’t take me for a moron” (Such negative thoughts when you’ve been sitting in traffic for almost two hours). But I just smiled and said, “Thanks.”

I walked over to pick up Lyla and OMG. She STUNK to high holy heaven. I also noticed she had her jacket on. Well, it wasn’t really a jacket, but it was a button up sweatshirt that I put on her that morning before EHH took her to school that should’ve been assumed to be a jacket and not part of her outfit. I thanked the teacher for putting her jacket on and she said, “Oh, she had that on when I got in here.” This made me think the kid had worn her jacket all day.

Upon closer inspection I noticed some spit-up on the shoulder of said jacket. I figured this was where the sour smell was coming from so I pulled the jacket off and jammed it in her bag. I glanced at her daily report sheet and saw she’d been changed at 4:30 – over an hour before I got there, but good enough to make it home so off we went, me thinking I’ll just change her when I get home.

When I put her in the car, her leg felt wet. I brushed it off thinking that when I washed my hands when I got there, I didn’t dry them enough and some water got on her pants. However, once we got home, I realized that was all wrong. I changed her only to find a monster poop. Sour smelling, leaking out of her diaper. HORRIBLE. And my heart sank.

How LONG had she been sitting in it? Could she have done it in the car? Maybe, but the smell was there when I picked her up, didn’t go away when I tossed her jacket, and her leg was wet before we left. GRANTED (again with the GRANTED) these were all things even I chose to ignore, but did the teacher ignore it too? She was the ONLY BABY THERE! Had she been paying attention to her and not just letting her play on the floor while she packed my bag to ensure I wouldn’t dawdle in there, the kid might have had a clean diaper when I got there.

Ugh.

So yeah. Those are two things bothering me.

Here’s the thing. I’m so scared to say something to either one of her regular teachers or to the director, because I’m terrified that they’ll get pissed at me and take it out on my kid. This is totally ridiculous, right? Totally? I shouldn’t think that. They’re not allowed to discriminate. They have to treat her just like any other kid. If I’m concerned, I should say something.

And then again, are these issues really worth complaining about? I mean, it wasn’t my kid that was bitten and Lord knows I’ve been in a situation where I might have left her in a dirty diaper for a little longer than I should have.

Oh help.

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I wrote this letter to a friend of mind who will remain nameless, that finally came to her senses and joined us in rooting for the Best Baseball Team Ever. The Boston Red Sox.

Dear Recovering Yankee Fan:

Welcome to Red Sox Nation! The below information will gradually familiarize you with the Greatest Team in Baseball while slowly stripping you of any pin-stripe affiliation. We realize that the journey may be difficult at first, but with the help of fellow Nation members as well as the entertaining call of Jerry Remy (better known as Remdawg) and Don Orsillo, we’re confident that you will never look back.

Please begin The Program immediately. While full completion by Friday would be ideal since we’ll be playing them, we understand it may take some time.

Throughout the program, please exercise kindness. While terms like “gay-Rod”, “The EE (Evil Empire)” and “The Skankees” are thrown around The Nation quite often, we don’t condone them. Especially for you since you live thick in enemy territory. Hatred breeds hatred. Sox fans rise above. (Unless you’re sitting in the Bleachers at Fenway)

Step 1: Digital Music Overhaul
Download the following music to your iTunes library and memorize the significance of each song:
1. “Dirty Water” by The Standells. This song is played at Fenway after each home victory. The most important phrase to shout: BOSTON, YOU’RE MY HOME!
2. “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond. This song is played in the 8th inning at Fenway. Please add lines to the chorus such as BUM BUM BUM and SO GOOD, SO GOOD, SO GOOD.
3. “Tessie” by The Dropkick Murphys. This song is played after “Dirty Water”. There was significance in the early 1900′s that still carries it’s magic today.
4. “I’m Shippin Up To Boston” by The Dropkick Muphys. This has become the famous closer, Jonathan Papalbon’s, personal anthem. Must have had something to do with his dance on the mound in 2007.

Step 2: Own the movie Fever Pitch
A copy will be provided to you as part of your Welcome Package. This movie must be watched multiple times and phrases memorized as they’re quoted frequently. The most important thing to remember, people like Ben REALLY DO EXIST. There was very little creative license taken with Jimmy Fallon’s character. And he, is teh awesome.

Step 3: Fan-sites Galore
Bookmark the following pages & add feeds to your Google reader
www.redsox.com – For videos, clips, news, and schedules
Basegirl hands down one of the funniest Sox blogs
Extra Bases good “second source” to redsox.com
Red Sox Dad his blog manages to combine Sox & raising 3 kids is almost always good for a laugh.

Step 4: Pack UP The Pinnies
Find a nice box, label it The Past, and store all your Yankee paraphernalia. If you don’t want to hang on to any of it, donating is totally acceptable. Also, since you have a poor defenseless 2-year old that will now be raised in a split-household, it’s important to keep her neutral while inside those walls. However, any time she comes to Auntie and Unc’s house, she can totally wear red. There is strength in numbers.

Step 5: Familiarize Yourself With History
This is an ongoing step. You know about The Curse, but you know it from that OTHER side. This is where you’ll need to use us. Don’t be afriad to ask questions. No question is stupid or unwelcome. Start here: Yastrzemski is pronounced YazTREMski or better yet, just Yaz.

Step 6: Social Media
Join the Red Sox fan pages on Facebook.
Follow the following tweeps on Twitter: @redsoxnow, @redsoxbot, @redsoxcast Since you won’t be able to get the games, these tweeps tweet the play by play.

Step 7: Learn the Lineup
This takes a couple of games, but you’ll catch on.
1. Dustin Pedroia, aka Dusty, Pedey, 2B
2. Jacoby Ellsbury, The Kid, OF
3. Kevin Youkilis, YOOOOOOOOOOK, 1B
4. David “Big Papi” Ortiz, DH
5. Jason Bay, JayBay, OF
6. JD Drew, Nancy Drew, JD Spew (when he’s off), The Glass OF, OF
7. Julio Lugo, E6 (this is not a compliment), SS
8. Mike Lowell, Mikey 3B
9. Jason Varitek, TEK, The Captain, Cap, C

Lugo basically sucks and is currently on the DL because Dawn went all Tonya Harding on him and whacked him in the knee (though she’ll deny it) during spring training. Jed Lowrie is the back up SS and he just had wrist surgery yesterday so he’s out. Nick Green is our back-up/back-up, and he’s had a solid first few games this year, but will wind up back on the bench since E6 is the official starter.

George Kottaras: Wake’s personal catcher because Tek can handle anything but that fickle knuckleball.
Rocco Baldelli: new OF backup for JD “The Glass OF” Drew

Step 8: Memorize the Pitching Rotation
Josh Beckett (our Ace. When he’s on, he’s ON)
Dice-K (Known to load em up in the first and give everyone a freaking heart attack before striking out 3 in a row)
Jon Lester (special place in our hearts for this guy)
Tim Wakefield “Wake” (famous knuckleballer)
Brad Penny (It’s his rookie season on the Sox. I reserve judgment)

And the bullpen is full of awesomeness. When at home, they have a little band out there tapping on the canopy of the pen.
Manny DelCarmen, aka Manny Del, MDC
Justin Materson, he’s usually first to start if someone ends up on the DL
Javier Lopez
Hideki Okajima, aka Jeemer, Okey. He’s the one that never looks where he’s throwing. Visiting announcers LOVE to talk about this. It gets OLD.
Jonathan Papelbon, J-Pap, Paps, Lights Out. No one-line explanation will do him justice.

New guys Takashi Saito ans Ramon Ramirez have started off strong.
Warning Labels: on MDC (Dr Jekyll & My Hyde) and Lopez (can cause throwing things at the TV when he’s brought in to get out two specific batters as a lefty specialist & somehow he leaves with no outs & two men on)

Step 9: Fenway Park
The next time you’re in Boston, you must do a tour. The history is rich and the park is fantastic.
Some park landmarks to know:
The Green Monster – DUH. No explanation needed.
Peske’s Pole – The foul pole in right field.
Yawkee Way, Lansdowne Street – The cross streets in which the park sits.
Cask n Flagon – Ground Zero for Sox fans. It’s the bar right across Lansdowne.
Wally, the Green Monster. The official mascot of the Boston Red Sox.

Step 10: Hail to The Chief, Red Sox Manager Terry Francona
Better known as Tito. Famous for the 47-million pieces of Double Bubble he chews during games. his rocking motion that happens when things get tight, putting a pitcher on a specific pitch count plan for the day & then driving you crazy with it either pulling a pitcher that doesn’t need to come out or leaving someone in waaaaaaay too long. There are also many mentions of his ulcers, but then again, maybe that’s just us.

Step 11:Become Acquainted with the Voices of The Red Sox
Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo have been the NESN broadcasting team for the last few years. Remy is a former Sox infielder and is known to share personal experiences throughout the games. Orsillo is a traditional broadcaster with a flare for the dramatic. Combine these two and you have a class act. Instead of wanting to go to sleep during games (I’m looking at you YES network), Don and Remy provide endless laughs and entertainment. They can make even blowouts bearable with ridiculousness like scanning the crowd for “interesting people” or discussing the path the moon takes across the sky or coming back from commercial laughing til they cry so that they can’t even call the game much less tell you what they’re laughing at. Jerry’s Boston accent and casual attitude, typically dressed in nothing fancier than a golf shirt and khakis, balances Orsillo’s traditional and stereotypical broadcasting background with the perfect voice-over voice and business suit at every game.

Step 12: Start Dropping Your R’s!
LET’S GO RED SOX. You’re now among the best fans, cheering for the best team, in the BEST CITY EVAHHHHHHHHHH!

WELCOME TO RED SOX NATION!

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Dearest Lyla,

I don’t ever want to forget that…

… when you sneeze, you sneeze twice. The first sneeze is a warning. The second, the real deal.

… when you first wake up, you almost always toot. This is hilarious to hear over the monitor.

… the first time we saw you dance was when the theme song to The OC came on the television.

… you laugh hysterically when I tickle you under your chin.

… seeing one of the cats almost always results in a huge smile.

… you play with my hair when you nurse.

… when I pick you up at school, you look up and make eye contact with me and the look on your sweet face is like you’re seeing me for the very first time.

… your favorite song is The Hokey Pokey. Especially when Daddy sings it.

… you love to listen to us read you books. Your favorite at the moment being the one Aunt Patty gave you at my baby shower, There’s a Monster At The End of This Book. You listen and hang on to every word.

… your smile is contagious to anyone that sees it.

… your Daddy rushes home to see you before you go to bed every night and you greet him with the biggest grin you can muster. Even if you’re in the middle of a meltdown.

… each day you are turning more and more into the beautiful person that you are.

I love you,
Mommy

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You know how when you wake up in the morning and you think, if there ever was a good time to get on the scale, this would be it, and then you think, no, I can’t, because the results are going to go one of two ways 1) my entire day will be ruined and I’ll be in a bad mood and tell myself all day that my bad attitude could’ve been avoided if I just got in the shower and didn’t bother with the scale in the first place or 2) it’ll be better than expected and I’ll drive my ass straight to McDonalds for a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese biscuit negating any potential accidental positive result which was only achieved by skipping dinner due to the massive bag of Spicy Thai potato chips I consumed at 3pm getting a stomach ache snacking all afternoon having a big lunch.

So instead I just continue to make excuses, 1) I have to eat crap, I’m nursing 2) I can’t work out. I never see my kid as it is and my favorite, 3) ShutUP size 6′s, I just had a baby! (To which my inside voice replies, “Yeah, almost 8-months ago you’re freaking lazy whore!)

And that’s why I haven’t gotten on the scale.

And also why I ate a reduced fat blueberry muffin for breakfast.

And threw out all the potato chips.

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Maddie’s service is taking place right now. Please say a little prayer. May this sweet girl rest in the arms of God for eternity.

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