Similar to this post where I solicited the always helpful and extremely awesome advice of you fine folk with regard to baby bottles, I have another one for ya.

Diapers.

Up until about 3-weeks ago, I was using the Pampers Swaddlers Sensitive. Lyla’s been in these diapers since she was in the hospital. However, they only make them up to Size 2 and this child must’ve found Jack’s magic beanstalk beans because holy GOD she grew, like OVERNIGHT in the last couple of weeks. And naturally right after we bought two boxes of Size 2′s from BRU, she started blowing out like crazy and I was getting really sick of doing laundry every night. Blow outs = first clue for bigger diapers, IMHO.

Anyway, I LOVED the Swaddlers Sensitive. LOVED them. With all my breastfeeding woes, I took comfort in that little indicator stripe that told me when she peed. This little stripe is hugely comforting. And Pampers, if you’re listening? Put this technology on ALL your diapers. Plzkthx.

Size 3. No more Swaddlers Sensitive. I bought the Cruisers because I am relatively brand loyal and I figured I’d stick with Pampers. I liked that they were thin, yet seemed to have no problem doing the job. They never leaked on me. HOWEVER, two things were steering me away. 1- More than once the tabs got stuck and I wound up pulling the fastening piece right off the diaper. While my husband would most likely go for the Duct Tape to fix the diaper, I just tossed it. Threw it out. MORE than once. 2- These are pricey. I always clip coupons, but there seems to be LESS coupons for Pampers floating around then there are for Huggies or other brands. And sometimes in urgent situations, I don’t have my coupon envelope on me.

I decided to try Huggies Natural Fit. I bought a small pack and I liked them. They’re easier to put on since they’re contoured. They have an elastic band toward the top which is good for keeping the diaper snug and (BONUS!) for keeping the poop from heading towards her armpits on those really bad days. Even though they were a little thicker than the Cruisers, I liked them well enough to buy again. I knew my Costco carried Huggies so on our bi-monthly Saturday excursion there, I headed to the diaper section.

No Natural Fit.

The only Huggies Costco carries are the Snug ‘n’ Dry. Ones I hadn’t yet tried. I adopted a WTF, a-diaper’s-a-diaper attitude and bought the big box.

BAD MOVE. Lesson: Start Small.

These diapers aren’t awful, but compared to the Natural Fit or even the Cruisers, they come in third. They’re thinner than both of the others, they don’t come up as high and if Lyla’s been wearing one for a while and I stand her up, there’s a gap between her Buddha belly and the front of the diaper. They’re also REALLY hard to open. It requires two hands to pry them apart. They’re very square; not contoured at all. Do. Not. Like.

I sent the bulk to daycare and I’m trying to use up the rest quickly. I have quite a few of the Natural Fit left and I told my Mom to buy the Cruisers for when we’re in Florida. However, when we come home, I’m going to be faced with a diaper dilemma once again.

So (finally) here’s my question to you. Are you diaper loyal? Do you buy whatever you can get the best deal on? Have you tried store brands? What are your experiences?

And honestly, does ANYONE use Luvs?

Edited to Add: I’m all about helping people in this economic nightmare we’re living through. I have quite a few of the Swaddlers Sensitive Size 2′s left over. We lack storage in this house so I’m not going to be able to stash them away for whenever Baby number 2 arrives (NOT ANY TIME FUCKING SOON!) so if you’re in need of Size 2′s, please email me. I’d be extremely happy to ship you the remainder of mine.

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We all know that becoming a mother changes people. It has certainly changed me. It has changed me into a person I’m not quite sure how to handle. It’s not necessarily bad, but it’s definitely different.

I think about situations in a completely different way than I ever have before. The simplest scenario can just floor me; leave my head spinning with the What If’s?. I seem to absorb these things much faster and with far more intensity than ever before. I’m a sponge. Everyone’s pain is my pain. Everyone’s negative emotions? I feel them. My tough and definitely less anxious attitude was discarded somewhere in the delivery room.

This morning when I dropped Bean off at school, the classroom phone rang. Her teacher answered and I heard her say, “Another one? They’re dropping like flies!” Immediately I panicked that there was some kind of undisclosed illness going around and that with my luck, my kid will get it as we board the plane for Miami next weekend. So, I asked, “Somebody sick?”. She said yes, but it was the brother of a little girl in Bean’s class. Eh. Hoping the mother would have enough sense to keep the two kids away from each other, I’ll take my chances.

She then went on to tell me that Bean and the one other little girl that was already settled on the floor playing with books would be the only two in class today. Naturally I asked why and she said it was because one doesn’t come on Thursday, one was transitioning into the next classroom, and the last was getting tubes in her ears.

!

Tubes! I melted. All I could do was picture this little girl’s sweet face and the fact that she was having surgery, albeit minor, still SURGERY, today. I thought of her Mom and her Dad and mostly thought that she wouldn’t understand why or what was going on. Melted. Puddle. Floor. Pocklock.

It didn’t help that Lyla’s teacher then said, “Yeah I know. Her Mom’s a total wreck.”

And by 8am, we had figured out what I would be thinking about and worrying about for today.

Another instance has been the news story of the US Airways plane that went down in the Hudson River last month. Immediately I thought about the people, specifically the mother’s on board. I wondered if any of them had babies in their lap like I did when we departed from the same airport in November to go visit my parents and grandparents in Florida. I prayed for everyone and practically held my breath until I heard everyone was safe.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling of what if. I couldn’t stop putting myself in that scenario. And then on the way home to pick up my daughter, I did hear on the radio that there indeed was a woman and a 6-month old baby on the flight. The passenger being interviewed said he stopped to help her because she was frozen with fear. I burst into tears. Of course, they were both fine.

Before I was a parent a story like this would definitely impact me, but not on the level in which it has. I would pray for everyone involved. I would think about what I would do if in that situation, but rarely would I hang on to it this long. My obsession with the news footage, the articles, the photos on Flickr, wouldn’t have been as intense. The amount of times I thought about those people, wondered how they were coping, and thought about the amazing crew, would definitely not have been AS much as I have in the last few weeks. It just won’t stop.

And did I mention I’m flying one week from Saturday?

Also, is anyone else deathly afraid of monkeys now? And secretly praying to anything and all that is holy that photos of the woman that chimp ate NEVER EVER surface? Just me? Okay.

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I’m very lucky to work for a company that is supportive of breastfeeding mothers. They provide a dedicated pumping room complete with fridge, microwave, comfy chairs, tables, and clocks to accommodate moms who want to continue to nurse their babies upon returning to work. It stays locked at all times and only the nursing Mom’s in the building have keys. We email each other first thing in the morning with the times we’d like to use it. So far, we’ve never had a problem securing the space alone.

The room is just an empty office that one of our hotel design groups furnishes with leftover or old furniture that was previously used to mock-up a hotel room. The one in my building has a cute striped rug, two recliners (not able to recline when pumping, but still comfy), a bookshelf, coffee table, mirror, an end table and the aforementioned fridge and microwave. There’s also some pretty fake flowers, magazines and some company swag. I’m insanely grateful for this as I’ve heard stories of working/nursing moms who have been forced to pump on cold bathroom floors, in closets, etc.

The room is located directly across from a small break-room/pantry/kitchen. Since the room has everything except running water, I need to dash across the hall after a session to rinse out my cones and bottles. I typically listen for a while to see if I can hear people in the kitchen before I exit. I’m not embarrassed by what I’m doing on any level, but I figure they may get a little eeked out by me rinsing my milk out of a strange contraption in a fairly public/shared sink.

Where I think the company went wrong was with the label that is next to the door outside of the room. It reads, “Quiet Room” and to many unsuspecting characters, it simply peaks curiosity.

A couple weeks ago as I was pumping and fully engrossed in Solitaire on my iPhone, I heard the door handle jiggle. And froze. Then I heard a voice, “It’s locked.”

Exhale. Crisis averted. And then I started to think. If anyone ever did walk in on me, I think they’d be FAR more mortified by what they would see than I would be. Still, I’d rather avoid that at all costs.

Just today I opened the door after a session and found myself face-to-face with a co-worker. It was someone I’ve seen around before, but never interacted with and didn’t know his name. I smiled and said, Hi.

Him: “Hey!” Peering around my shoulder. “I’ve always wondered what that room was. Looks relaxing! What is it? What are you doing in there?”

Me: “It’s the lactation room.”

Him: “The lac…”

Me: “Yeah. You know. The place where breastfeeding mothers can go to express their milk during the day.”

Him: “Express…”

Me: Beaming. “Yup! I bet you’re sorry you asked that question, huh.”

Him: “Uh. Yeah.”

I laughed when I watched him slink away.

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Here’s a list of the reasons why it has been three weeks. Three weeks since my last cynical update.

1. I was stuck in a time-warp on The Island with the LOSTies. The smoke monster tried to eat me, but I was saved by a shirtless Sawyer. I was professing my undying love for him when Jin shot Locke and then the light flashed again. I woke up making out with Jack thinking he was Sawyer and Kate saw and she was WICKED pissed. Then the light flashed as I was running away from Kate who was chasing me with a knife. I woke up…

2. On my couch with the cold from hell that I’ve again been sharing with my poor, defenseless, almost (HOLYSHIT) six-month old. My pediatrician wasn’t kidding when she said we’d all be sick for a year. After one really big, gross sneeze…

3. I decided that I felt really sad about the current state of my website. I couldn’t be excited about something that looked insanely drab and if I was sick of looking at it, I couldn’t imagine how other people felt. While sharing my sad, poor-me, story with the fabulous Cass over a much needed coffee break, she offered to get it to a place where I’d be able to manage the upkeep. After about 10-minutes of banter back and forth about how I didn’t want to bother her and I know she’s busy and I didn’t want to add to her list of things to do/worry about, she verbally bitch-slapped me and has since made my code less quirky and as a bonus designed the most beautiful header. Click out of those readers and take a look. Then go tell Cass you love her while I sit here and…

4. Totally stress out over the fact that a) I twittered about Brian Williams co-hosting The Today Show with Matt Lauer and The Today Show freaking RE-TWEETED THAT SHIT! I had a huge spike in traffic only for people to see an entry that wasn’t particularly good and also was (ah-hem) written three weeks ago! While freaking out that what if Matt or Brian actually saw my website (!)…

5. It occurred to me that I needed to stop screwing around and get my blog-act together because THIS is the LAST WEEK to register for BlogHer09 at the only-costs-one-arm-not-two-plus-leg price. If I want to go play with the big kids, I needed to step my shit UP.

And so I’m back from The Island, still hanging on to this cold, but with a pretty fancy looking new site and empty promises of more consistent updates.

And I’m pretty excited about BlogHer. You going?

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