I really have high hopes that one day I’ll miraculously be granted time to compose actual thoughts and record them here. Perhaps a thought or two will be about my daughter. Perhaps I’ll write about something other than her. However, the reality is that right now, this second, and the seconds prior and most likely future seconds, my head is a pile of mush. I’m unable to remember anything without writing it down. I have a child permanently attached to my body 95% of the day. The other 5% of the day I’m either peeing or taking a shower. I’ve even learned how to get dressed without putting her down. If anyone wants to come hold this baby for me, I’m taking applications. I may or may not drug test depending on how desperate I become.

We think her “colic” was a result of something I ate. I’m seeing a nutritionist on Thursday who will hopefully give me a diet plan that is conducive to her sensitive little belly. With any luck it’ll also be conducive to me fitting back into my jeans. So overall, things have been marginally better as long as I don’t eat anything with vinegar in it. Or dairy. Which basically leaves me eating rice. Without butter. Fun.

Since the kid is pitching a colossal fit at the hands of her poor father, that’s it from me for today. I did happen to find some time to upload videos with one hand. Enjoy. Oh – and I detest the sound of my voice. Just so you know.

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For our daughters.

And our mothers.

And our Grandmothers.

Go here, comment, and help breast cancer research.

(And you can comment anonymously on Cass’ blog; FYI for all you lurkers)

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Last night was brutal. Actually, yesterday altogether was brutal.

Yesterday Lyla turned three weeks old. And her personality completely changed. Sunday we had a relatively happy, sootheable baby. Monday brought the nightmare.

While we’re still working on the night-time schedule, the day schedule had been about a good 2-3 hour nap starting at 10am and then another good restful sleep in the afternoon. Yesterday morning she didn’t want to nap. My Mom came over to watch her for an hour so I could run some errands and she did sleep for most of that time, but when I got home, it was screamfest 2008. Nothing seemed to settle her.

On Sunday night I had started reading The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. The book was recommended by our doula. The main point is how to calm a fussy baby and the use of “The 5 S’s” which are Sucking (binky), Swaddling, Shhhh-ing, Swinging and the Side/Stomach position.

Lyla’s always hated being on her back so I do put her down on her belly and most often her side. She also hates having her arms pinned and never took to the swaddle. The rest of the S’s seem to work.

By 4pm yesterday afternoon she still hadn’t taken a good nap. She also wouldn’t latch on so I wound up pumping and giving her a bottle to ensure she got some food and wasn’t starving. She was just generally miserable. I decided I’d try some S’s. I wrapped her up as tight as I could, stuck her binky in her mouth, and plopped her in the swing. It took about 30 minutes (and she totally broke her arms free), but she finally went to sleep. And slept. And slept. She slept through two diaper changes, an outfit change, and dinner out with the Lil Foot Family. She slept about 4 hours total. I wanted to hunt down Dr. Karp and kiss him on the mouth.

However, last night everything backfired. We got home from dinner around 8:30 and the screaming began. Again she wanted no part of nursing so I pumped and she took the bottle from EHH. She would burp, hang out for a few minutes looking around and then just start wailing. EHH sensed that I was about to collapse in tears and took her downstairs so I could get a bit of a break. I reached right for Dr. Karp’s book and started reading the next few chapters. And then the tears really did start.

The book gets into colic. It explains how there’s no real cause and also no real cure. It doesn’t discriminate. It can happen to any baby. It listed the Ten Universal Facts About Colic. I’ll paraphrase:

1. Crying starts at 2 weeks of age, peaks at 6 weeks of age, and ends by 3-4 mos. (check)

2. Preemies aren’t any more susceptible than full term babies. (N/A)

3. Signs of colicky babies are: twisted faces (check), piercing wails (check) and cries that come in waves – stopping abruptly (check).

4. Screaming begins during or just after a feeding (check).

5. Grunting and straining are common and they sometimes seem content just after burping or pooping (check).

6. It’s worse in the evening (um – see last night’s 3 hour scream session. CHECK!).

7. As likely to occur with baby 5 as with baby 1 (yeah, 1′s enough).

8. Can improve with rocking, holding, shhhh-ing, and gentle abdominal pressure (Not consistently, but yes, check).

9. Happy baby in between crying fits. (check)

10. In many cultures around the world, babies never get colic. (I’ll move there. Let’s go.)

Anything EHH or I did was useless. She wouldn’t stop screaming. I tried swaddling and it pissed her off even more. I feared the neighbors were about to ring our doorbell or call the cops. It was heartbreaking to hear her scream like that and not be able to calm her down. It completely made me feel like a failure. It was awful.

At 11:30 she just quit. She was laying in my arms, a sweaty red mess, and just closed her eyes, calmed her breathing and passed out. I knew it would eventually happen. Who can actually scream for three hours and not totally exhaust themselves? She slept on me until 1:30 and then I put her in her bassinet where she stayed asleep until 3:30. She woke up and ate and then went right back down until 5:30 when I brought her in bed with us and we started our normal morning routine of small naps and small nursing sessions until 9am.

SO, naturally based on the events and the Top 10 list in Dr. Karp’s book, I’m thinking we have a colicky baby. I’m not sure if I should call her doctor or not since there seems to be no real cure for it anyway. Our doctor is pretty hippy like and liberal, which I love since he’s not first to push drugs and is totally pro-breastfeeding for as long as possible. He’ll probably just wish us luck and send us on our way.

Some things I’ve read say that with breastfed babies, it could be the mother’s diet. Today I’ll be cutting out all dairy and see if it makes any difference. If tonight is better, I’ll stay off dairy for a week and the reevaluate. This is going to be extremely hard for me since just about everything I eat has milk, cheese, or butter in or on it. Anyone have any no-dairy diet recommendations?

Of course on the other hand, it was only one night. Today she seems a little better though still not sleeping for longer than 45 minutes this morning. She wants to nurse every hour, but that could be a growth spurt and as long as she’s latching correctly, it’s fine with me. I’m trying to stay positive and hope that it was a fluke. Maybe she didn’t like what I had for dinner. She could’ve had a belly ache. She might’ve just been overtired. I’m praying tonight will be different. Can you guys pray along with me?

And despite all the drama, she’s still super cute…

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Not like we haven’t had enough of it around here lately!

Today I went back to feeling pretty after about 10 months of just, well, NOT.

I’ve highlighted my hair with foils for roughly 15 years not counting the two months my freshman year of college where I rebelled and dyed it black. From a box. It did not go well and as soon as I came home for Thanksgiving, my mother dragged me to the salon where my hair was stripped and a “normal” color put back in.

Foils. For 15 years. So long that I really have no idea what my natural color looks like. I saw my Mom’s wedding pictures in May. I was 12 when she was remarried and my hair was dark. Boring. Mousy. I guess that’s my natural color.

The roots are a tough upkeep. It’s every six weeks like clockwork. Two hours in a chair. And I walk out looking the same, but brighter. I was ready for something different. And I also know that with a baby, every six weeks for two hours is out. Especially once I go back to work. I’m so not going to want to go sit in a chair for two hours after working all day and not get straight home to my kid.

I’ve had this plan to go darker and closer to my natural color since before she was born knowing I wasn’t going to have the time or patience to keep up the foils. I was totally prepared for the change and thoroughly excited about today. I was super nervous once I got there, but still excited.

I took a before shot in the bathroom mirror before we left:

And after two hours (it took three processes to cover all the blonde), this was the result:

The good news is that it’ll only be a single process to maintain and some of my blonde will come through as I wash it giving it more depth.

I’ve walked by the mirror twice and did a double take at my reflection. My husband’s reaction was the best, “I feel like I’m cheating on my wife!”

It’s definitely different and I totally might hate it tomorrow, but for now I’m really happy with it. And finally feeling pretty again.

Oh – and in case you thought I was actually going to get through an entire blog post without mentioning my kid, guess again:

(Yellow sweater knitted by Great Mom-Mom)

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Because I’m not sure how long that adorable child of mine will stay sleeping in her pack ‘n’ play…

• Still nursing. Stuck with it. It’s much better. I’ve been being treated for a yeast infection in my ducts since last Wednesday. Lyla and I are both taking pro-biotic and I’m taking Diflucan and while it still hurts like hell when she first latches, I don’t have the immense pain between feedings that I did the first week.
• LFM made a trip to the Walmart for us and brought back an assortment of bottles. The first ones I tried, Gerber NUK, seem to be working. She doesn’t love them, but it gets the job done. For now. And she seems to be sticking with the AVENT Ortho binkies. Here’s hoping.
• EHH stayed home today to caddy for my Mom in a golf tournament. It didn’t start until this afternoon so this morning, I escaped and got a mani/pedi. And it was awesome. Also? First time I drove in over two weeks. The freedom. Ahhhh.
• 38D. Enough said.
• I can’t get into a political rant right now working on such little sleep without sounding like a moron so I’ll just start (and most likely end) here; Sarah Palin needs a makeover.
• Random Thought: Am I the only one that doesn’t understand the Geico caveman commercials or the only one that isn’t afraid to admit it?
• My husband is seriously the best ever. The days when he’s home I actually get to feel somewhat human. I’ve totally enjoyed the last few days as a co-parent. Tonight there will be tears knowing he goes back to work tomorrow.

Someone, who weighed in at 9lbs 10ozs this morning (me thinks the bewbs? They is workin’.) is calling me from the dark corner of the room. I’m hoping for some sort of semblance of a schedule this week that will allow more blogging opportunity, but I make ZERO promises.

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