Please Hold The Drama
Let’s see if I can remember how to do this. This tab that says, “Write Post”. I think I’m supposed to click that. These tappety things with letters on ‘em that my fingers are on. Hmmm. They make words! And then there’s gotta be a button that has “Publish” on it somewhere. Oh! There it is! I’ll save that one for later.
Here’s the deal. Drama. The deal, people, is drama. Drama everywhere.
There are two things that I’ve been consumed by in the last couple of weeks. One – This pregnancy. Two – Work. There have been no posts because A – seriously? Who really wants to see another belly picture? Or hear me complain about my swollen feet? Or hear me whine about the bitchy nurses at my OB’s office? Or talk about how I have stopped sleeping past 2:45am as a rule? Oh, but that last one is completely due to B – work. Which I can’t and will not write about here except to say that I think Maternity Leave should start at 30 weeks.
Drama.
I do have a pregnancy related story though. And as much as I didn’t want to write it here, I feel like there might be some good advice in my readers, but if you don’t want to hear it, please feel free to skip the rest. That’s if anyone other than my Grandmother is even still reading this.
Friday’s 32 week appointment was by far the worst experience ever. Again, I stupidly went alone. My cousin had offered and planned to go with me, but there was a scheduling issue and they were leaving on vacation and I felt bad because Lord knows I hate packing and schlepping for vacation when I’m traveling alone – and she had a 20 month old she had to pack and schlep for. So I told her not to worry about coming. That? Was the dumbest move ever.
Because my practice is so big, they encourage you to see all the doctors (9!) during the course of your pregnancy so you’ve at least met them all and aren’t totally weirded out when one you haven’t ever seen is the one on call that pulls a screaming human being from your crotch. Or something. I’ve mentioned before how much I love my regular doctor (Dr. H), and the midwife there. I haven’t seen either of them since, God. I don’t know. Feels like ever. So this time it was another Dr (a male one) that has no idea who I am and has never met me before.
I mentioned the recent life drama right? Backs up to about 3-weeks ago? It’s continued since then and things have just been generally hard. Thursday was a REALLY, EXCEPTIONALLY, AWFUL day between the hours of 8am and 4:30pm which was when I just couldn’t take it anymore and left work before I started sobbing at my cubical. I can’t get into the issue, nor do I want to re-live it, but I reached a point. A point that sort of plateaued and lasted through that entire night and into the wee hours of morning when at 2:45am I just gave up. So I go to my appointment after a horrid day (week actually. Okay, month), and after getting roughly four hours of total sleep to meet with a doctor I don’t know. A 32 week hormonal pregnant woman. Bad month. No sleep. Doctor I’ve never met. Following me?
I pee on my hand in a cup, get on the scale, become totally horrified at the number, blood-pressure (a little high), and start answering the nurse’s (a moderately kind one) questions. When she asked how I’d been feeling, I answered fine and then immediately started crying when I knew it was a lie. I told her that I’d been feeling pretty stressed out and had been dealing with some hard things. Things that an 8 month pregnant person really wouldn’t choose to deal with. After being ushered into one of the exam rooms and told Dr. So-and-So would be in soon, I tried to compose myself. And I did, until he started questioning me too. Tears streaming from my eyes I told him about the last 3-weeks and how I’ve just taken on too much and I was starting to feel like it was all coming to a head. Plus, I hadn’t been sleeping, work was stressing me out, yadda yadda.
The next words out of his mouth? Man, I hope you’re all sitting down.
“You need to see someone. If you don’t deal with this now, you’re a candidate for Post Pardum Depression. I’m going to give you a referral and I want you to call them immediately. If you can’t get an appointment today, call me back.”
So much for a hormonal woman having a bad week. I was immediately In Need of Professional Help.
Now before you peg me as someone who is that Everyone Needs Therapy But Me type person, let it be known that I have absolutely nothing against therapy. I’ve gone during many times in my life. And it’s helped me significantly. I don’t have anything against it and I am the first to recognize the need to go. This was NOT one of those times.
Basically what he did was add to my pile of things to freak out about. He only asked one more question about where I work and I what I do and then he scribbled a note and handed it to me. It read that I’m to reduce work to three days a week (yeah, right). The next note he scribbled was another Dr’s name and the note – The Referral. He didn’t talk to me about how I deal with stress. He didn’t tell me to try meditation. He didn’t explain that lots of women feel anxious at this time in their pregnancy. Apparently I’m just crazy.
He checked out the kid. Of course she’s fine. Heart rate is good. Her head is down. Her activity level is good. He chalked my blood pressure elevation up to the stress – hence the two notes. And the only other thing he said was that I was to rest all weekend. Not bed rest, but more like House Arrest. Very limited activity, no lifting, lots of napping.
My head spun around like it was on a swivel. Saturday I was supposed to attend a bridal shower on Long Island for one of my closest friends. Her wedding is 3 days after Blinkie’s due date so we’re pretty confident we won’t me making the wedding. I HAD to make the shower. More guilt set in.
I left there knowing I wasn’t calling the psychiatrist and knowing there’s no way I’ll only work 3-days a week for the next 8 weeks. I figured if I wasn’t going to listen to that much, then why listen to the House Arrest piece either? I cried most of the way home making it impossible to stop for a McFlurry and literally causing my eyes to swell up so bad that between the tears and the lack of sleep, they were slits. I called EHH and told him what happened. He agreed that I wasn’t a crazy person (as did everyone else I told about it), but he did think that resting this weekend was a good idea. I scoffed, but he warned. He reminded me that I get uncomfortable driving and that I’d be spending close to four hours in the car round trip. Here you go, have some more guilt.
I called my friend’s Mom who was throwing the shower and explained why I couldn’t come. I felt awful. But she was SO understanding and when I hung up I started to feel better. I had about given up on there being another kind and understanding human in the world, but after I talked to her, I felt a little lifted. I still feel AWFUL that I won’t see my friend until after her wedding and after Blinkie’s born, but I guess timing for this is just pretty sucky and I’m trying to focus on the fact that we’re both going through such awesome life experiences at the same time and that we’ll be there through them and after them for each other anyway.
So what would you have done? I’ve made a couple of decisions based on this whole experience. 1 – NO MORE DOCTOR’S I’VE NEVER MET! That’s it! I’m only seeing Dr. H or the midwife from now on. And I will pray every single day that this kid is still cooking that it’s one of them on call when I go into labor. If not, I guess I’ll just keep asking for pain medication until I stop caring who it is on call. 2 – NO MORE SOLO APPOINTMENTS! I will arrange my appointments so that someone will always be able to come with me. And I’m going to try my hardest not to feel like I’m inconveniencing the nominated accompanier.
There’s the story. And I’m sorry it’s not about something other than this pregnancy. Since all my promises mean nothing, I won’t promise to write more. I won’t promise to write at all.
And then maybe the rebel in me will.
Wow. That was one heck of a horrible day. Some doctors aren’t so good with the bedside manner, and clearly he’s one of them. I hope next week’s appointment goes much better. Be good to yourself, and get some dang rest – without guilt!
catnip’s last blog post..a small favor
June 28th, 2008 | #
Holy Moses. All I can say is I totally understand. I would have felt even guliter even though there was no reason to. You have to protect yourself and the baby–and I think it’s a good thing you didn’t go to the shower.
As for the psych recommendation: if you still choose not to go, try some relaxation techniques or breathing or something. Stress obviously isn’t good for your body or the baby’s, so maybe some prenatal yoga DVD’s or something?
I was diagnosed with depression in college and have been in therapy and on meds. My doctors and I were concerned about PPD so we kept an eye on things. Did well (considering) throughout the pregnancy. After I had the baby I had a really rough time for the first8-10 weeks. Like, some really dark moments. But I honestly think it was because of exhaustion and not PPD. I wasn’t showing a lot of PPD symptoms. I was just damn tired. But still, it wasn’t any fun regardless of what it was called.
I say this just so you can be prepared. Be realistic that it would be a possibility, and then you and EHH can be on the look out for symptoms so you can catch them early before things get bad. And you can always email me or call me (I can give you my number) after the baby is born if you need to chat, cry, vent, or ask questions.
But take care of yourself now, in whatever way makes you feel comfortable, and things will be easier after she’s born.
I hope things get easier for you soon! Pretty soon you’ll get to meet your beautiful baby girl!
samantha jo campen’s last blog post..Mr. Sandman is laughing
June 28th, 2008 | #
While I can’t begin to understand what your hormones are doing, I DO know that you aren’t crazy. if you have any more up at 2:45 am nights, text me and i’ll put you to sleep with a game of yahoo scrabble.
I’m always here to talk / cry to. Hang in there kiddo!
June 28th, 2008 | #
Oh, honey. I want so badly to hand over some serious ice cream and rub your feet while you bemoan the stress. I KNOW HOW MUCH IT SUCKS. But it will get better, promise.
I think you should take a weekend and come to Huntsville. Aardvark, Zoot, and I will take care of you.
Sarah’s last blog post..This Week’s Dance Solo
June 28th, 2008 | #
Wow. This man works with pregnant women for a living? Hell, I’ve had bigger melt downs over my hubby eating the last cookie in the house. (And I was a therapist in my former life – not that you would guess I am mentally healthy based on my recent hormone driven behavior. I went off on a nurse the other day. Then I sobbed for 15 minutes. Haven’t blogged about it because I’m wee bit embarrassed.) You are fine – you are having a bad time during a stressful time and reacting to it all.
I am glad you decided to take it easy for the weekend. Stress is rough when you aren’t toting around a 4lb parasite and a boatload of hormones.
Bright side? I am uber impressed that you have enough people around you who care that you have people to go to your appointments with you! That’s great. My hubby went to 1. Otherwise I just tote my daughter with me – hopefully the indignities she has witnessed will linger in her psyche enough to prevent her from having sex until she is 25. Another bright side? You didn’t wait in the parking lot for the jerky doc and try to run him down. You don’t want to have your baby in prison.
Michelle’s last blog post..Fun in the sun
June 28th, 2008 | #
Oh girly. Right about now I would send you a truckload of high quality chocolate if I could. You are well within your rights to request a specific doctor at any time, much less while you are pregnant and supremely stressed out. And I pity the poor woman who is married to that insensitive creep. *She* probably needs therapy. I am a firm believer in keeping the drama to an absolute minimum although recently there are certain people in my life hell bent on dumping theirs all over me. I prefer to save my sympathy for the situations that truly call for it. You have every right to be dramatic right now — and to vent about it where ever you like! — and you also have the right to tell everyone else to stick their drama where the sun don’t shine.
Dawn’s last blog post..And I Quote: June 27, 2008
June 29th, 2008 | #
You know I’m always here. And for goodness sake pick up the phone and tell me you need an appointment buddy – I’d be there in a minute and then I would have ordered us BOTH McFlurry’s. Part of me wants to come to your practice and show that doctor what a real emotional break is and then swiftly kick him in the balls and tell him I think he’s a candidate for lodged ball syndrome.
You are my daughters best friends Mommy and the three of us (our daughters and I) have decided that you need to give yourself a pass. A pass on the guilt, a pass on the events, a pass on the work stress. Easier said then done – so if you need a physical pass let us know and we’ll whip one up…I literally have NOTHING going on until she gets here – this could be a pretty fancy hall pass.
June 29th, 2008 | #
Hoov- Sorry the doc was such an idiot. Hang in there- these last 8 weeks are going to fly by, so try to take care of yourself!
As for not going to the doc alone at this point in your pg, I 1000% agree. With Ella, I went by myself for my 38 week appt. and I told my doc I was feeling weird, jerky movements in my belly. They hooked me up to the monitor to listen to her heartbeat and it slowed and went really fast a bunch of times (as I’m listening to it by myself in a little exam room). I yelled and docs and nurses came flying in. They sent me right over to the hospital- ALONE! I was in hysterics, not knowing what was wrong with the baby. Long story short, she was breech so we were looking in the wrong spot for the HB!
Moral: TAKE SOMEONE WITH YOU- anyone– Mom, Dad, friend, coworker, random stranger from Stews, whoever.
*Hugs*
June 29th, 2008 | #
I obviously don’t have any advice for you. I would definitely just take it easy for a while though… I mean, come on, you’re 8 months pregnant for Christ’s sake. You’re allowed to slow down on work and not clean the house. That’s why we have families and friends who all pitch in to help. Hang in there, and call me if you need anything (re-read last sentence). I’m good at baking, cleaning, taking care of kitties, that’s about it. Love you!
June 29th, 2008 | #
I am right there with Ali! Except I am also really good with dogs – but oh wait, you don’t have one
Seriously, though. If your doctor suggests three days at work and writes you a note, perhaps you should consider that – even if it is doctor who rubs you the wrong way and seems maybe just a little over the top. This time in your life should be all about you and the baby (ok, and EHH) and nothing else. You don’t need to be stressed and running short on sleep before the little girl is going to arrive. Hang in there!
June 29th, 2008 | #
Hang in there! And I’m here if you need anything…you know that!
LFm’s last blog post..Sharpen Your Sharpies?
June 30th, 2008 | #
Hey, About Sarah’s comment.. if you come to Huntsville for a visit you’d BETTER come to Birmingham to see me, too! Wish I could be there to go to your Dr/s appointments with you. Just be prepared, when you DO go into labor, if that Dr. Jerk is on you may have to tell Blinkie to wait until tomorrow.
June 30th, 2008 | #