7:55am: This morning before I left for work I saw my octogenarian neighbor walk out to her mailbox to get her newspaper in her pink fuzzy slippers and blue bathrobe.

She was without her teeth.

7:55pm: When I came home from work I was sitting in the driveway talking to my cousin through the bluetooth in the car when I saw the husband of the octogenarian neighbor through their open front door. His back was to me and it looked like he was in the room across from the door.

It took me a minute, but I eventually figured out that he was peeing.

TMI on the neighbors today. Have ever found yourself in an awkward neighborly situation? I’m not sure how I’ll react if they come over and ask me to water their plants…

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Totally NSFW language. Engage headphones!

The first scene in this video is my favorite from the movie Knocked Up. The best dialogue starts at about 1:50. Enjoy.

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There are so many awesome recipe sites all over the blogosphere and… well, well I’m jealous. It’s no secret that I suck in the kitchen. I can screw up toast. I’m extremely lucky that I married someone with the gift of The Cook. This is the only reason I do not starve.

However, during the few days I’m home alone during meal time, there are a few staples that I can manage so that I don’t waste away before EHH gets home. Today I will share one of those specialties with you complete with pictures because THAT is how it’s done.

First, I’ll show you what we made today. I like to call it Secret Noodles Supreme-o, but “they” like to brand it as Extra Noodle (soooo laaaame).

So next you’ll need to gather all the things you need to make the Secret Noodles Supreme-o. I like to get everything out and put it somewhere easily accessible because it’s a LOT of things and it’s easy to lose track and get thrown off. So, get all your stuff. Like this:

See? LOTS of things.

Next, read the box. This is a VERY important step.

It’s so important because now, you’ll see that you have a very important decision to make. There are TWO sets of directions. For me, this was an easy one. But I know some of you would actually have to weigh the choices and determine all sorts of things like equal temperature throughout the food and maybe there would be a thermometer involved or something. This was my choice:

And here comes the hard part. Empty your packet into your bowl and add 3 cups of water. I don’t screw around with my water measurements. I measure everything. Because with a recipe this hard, precision is important.

Then you’ll need to place your mixture into your cooking receptacle. Like so:

The directions on our box said to microwave for 12-14 minutes. 12-14. That means that 12 might be too little and 14 might be too much. So I go right for the middle:

You now have 13 minutes to clean up or take a conference call or answer a few emails. Use this time wisely because you soon will be enjoying a very special Supreme-o meal!

Oh – there was also this part in the directions that mentioned stirring half way through the cooking time, but I think that you’re exempt from that if your microwave has that center part that spins around the entire time it cooks, because you know, that’s close enough to stirring.

After the beep you get this:

And then you should stir.

For the final part, you must remember that presentation is everything.

And so is creating minimal dishes so I suggest eating the crackers straight from the box.

There ya go! It’s lunch! Secret Noodles Supreme-o from my kitchen to yours! Enjoy!

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My maternity wardrobe is fairly plentiful due to my own purchases as well as half of a box lot from eBay that Cass donated and some other hand-me-downs from friends of friends. It’s no where near my regular wardrobe and I do find myself buying a new item every few weeks because I get bored easily and hate wearing the same shit over and over. All that aside though, I learned something today.

Thing I didn’t know:
You can outgrow maternity clothes.

I have tried every belly fit out there. In the early months, I loved the no-panel. Then I started to wear the Demi-panel. Recently I’ve discovered Secret Fit and OMG these are the best. Things. Ever.

Today I wore a pair of khaki pants (no longer available on Gap.com) that were of the Demi-panel persuasion. After sitting in commuter traffic for over an hour, I could feel the seems digging into my skin just under my belly. I was totally miserable. All morning I debated what meetings I could cancel or avoid so I could go home and put on sweatpants. By 12:30 I was in physical pain and I felt SO bad for squeezing the baby. I could tell that the band was pushing right on her head and OMG WHAT IF I GAVE HER BRAIN DAMAGE!?!

I had to get out of there.

I’ve had wardrobe crisis’ before at work – a faulty zipper on a skirt led to my black thong being exposed during a creative pitch a last minute purchase at the mall just a few miles away. It occurred to me that while there are no maternity stores IN said mall, there is a huge Destination Maternity just outside the mall. I canceled one meeting and bolted. I had roughly 45 minutes before my next meeting and I was a woman on a mission. An uncomfortable, pregnant woman on a mission.

Forty-five minutes and $118 later (I KNOW, but it was an EMERGENCY!) I was FAR more comfortable (as was Blinkie) and able to think about something other than the fact that my legs might turn purple at any given second. I actually got stuff done this afternoon.

Here’s my rationale on the two tanks of gas I spent on one item of clothing:

- I didn’t have a whole lot of time to go through sale racks and the ones I glanced at didn’t have any Secret Fit items that matched the shirt I had on
- I looked at some of the khaki’s that weren’t on sale, but I didn’t think I could justify paying $70 for khaki’s that I might wear twice (I’m more a denim girl)
- So instead I settled on another pair of jeans, Mavi ones, with Secret Fit that I knew I’d get my money’s worth for because I LIVE for/in jeans.

Doesn’t work for you? Well, like I said. EMERGENCY SITUATION!

Even with the new comfy jeans, I still couldn’t wait to get home and relax and pay special attention to this poor baby whose head I squished all morning long. When I did get home, I took a nice cool shower and then donned this dress with NOTHING under it. It is so amazingly comfortable and Blinkie’s been rolling around and kicking ever since. I think she forgives me.

I have countless shoes in my closet that were bought for relief from wearing uncomfortable ones to walk around the city. Thank God there’s a shoe store every couple blocks. I also have quite a few coats that were purchased due to being under dressed at Sox or Pats games.

Tell me. Have you ever had a wardrobe malfunction that required an emergency spend?

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Step-Dad: “We need ketchup and mustard.”
Mom: “Yes! We have that. It’s in the bathroom.”

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