Top 10 Class-A Stupid Things I Did Today
Today is just one of those days where I’ve reached a point of I-can’t-fucking-take-it-anymore. I’m hormonal, emotional, I miss my Mom, work is stressing me out to the point where it’s probably unhealthy for me and DEFINITELY unhealthy for the baby, and I can’t stand this God dammed cold that’s officially invaded my head. Being sick and pregnant sucks. Being sick and pregnant and having to work and commute is a damn recipe for disaster. Today = Said Disaster.
So, in trying to lighten the mood a little, here’s a list of things I did today that define “Moron” and will most likely make you giggle at my expense. So laugh it up, Clowns.
10. Wore my regular jeans because I said to myself, “Self? These are stretchy jeans! They’ll be okay today.”
9. And they probably would’ve been had it not been for the show I put on at lunch with Cass where we proceeded to eat French Fries. With salt. And both agreed that we won’t be worried about salt until the doctors say we should be worried about salt.
8. Salt. It was the salt that made me drink 64oz of water and blew my belly out to the point where I couldn’t take the pain of my jeans anymore. So I unbuttoned the top button which would’ve been fine except…
7. For the 10 minutes I spent standing up in a heated conversation with a male colleague with the top of my pants open wondering why he kept looking away from me awkwardly.
6. I had to pee so bad that I headed for the bathroom, but on the way there, started composing a blog entry in my head. I was at the end of the hallway about 45 feet past the bathroom when I realized where I was and wondered where the hell I was going.
5. Since I was over there, I decided to hang a left and walk by another colleagues desk of which it was discovered earlier is stocked with SweetTarts – the favorite candy of Self these days.
4. Came back to my desk and ate four packets of snack size SweetTarts.
3. Realized I still had to fucking pee!
2. Returned to my desk after aggressive hand washing to find an aggravating email that started a heated IM conversation which led to an in-person conversation which led to…
the Number 1 Class-A Stupid Thing I Did Today
1. Screamed about how much this week has sucked, how stressed out I am, and how I’m getting really close to officially hating my job on a more regular basis than I would like. In a wide open cube farm. Within earshot of many nosy and gossipy people. Public Hormonal Outburst, The First.
I’m working remotely tomorrow because, GAH! ENOUGH!
And Dear Lord Almighty, please help the person that asks me to move off the couch this weekend for ANY reason other than the cushion next to me has caught fire.
Amen.
