True to the header in my sidebar, I’ve gotten some inspiration from the other far-more-talented-than-I bloggers in the blog-o-sphere. Today’s posts on Rude Cactus and Zoot have jump-started the flow of my creative juices. And please table all your gross comments about juices flowing for another time because seriously, ew, my Dad reads this shit, okay? *wink*

So, when I read The Cactus today, his post about a stranger with whom he shared an elevator ride turning out to have a completely different personality than the one he had imagined up in his head upon laying eyes on the guy totally made me remember a similar story. Rather than post it in Chris’ comment section, I decided to write it here and give all you fine folk something to read.

A few years ago I attended the Memorial Day parade in the town where I grew up. I was making my way up to the grandstand area in front of Town Hall where the speeches would take place. I always liked to head up there a little early and get a spot right in front not so much as to hear the speeches better, but to not be standing right in front of the marching band trumpet section as they play Taps. As nice as Taps is on Memorial Day, oh Lord those things can be loud when there’s nothing but deafening silence surrounding you. Digress…

On my way up there, where I had planned to meet some family and friends, I passed an elderly woman standing on the road-side bank (no sidewalks in Mayberry!) in front of my old Nursery School. She was calmy digging through her large pocketbook and as I watched her I thought about why she might be in attendance today. Perhaps she was widowed by one of the ugly wars we’ve fought and stood to remember on that day. Perhaps she had a grandson currently serving overseas. Perhaps she was there to cheer on her great-grandchildren as they marched in the parade for the first time with the Cub Scouts or their Little League team. I found myself smiling, lost in the made-up character I choose for this woman.

Her head stayed down and she continued to rummage through her bag. I watched her the entire time as I approached. Maybe she was looking for a mint. Older people always have mints. Velamints actually. That’s what my Mema had when I was a kid. Or Tic-Tacs. Or a Butterscotch maybe. She kept digging. I got closer.

And then I heard it,

“Where the fuck is my Goddammed lighter for Christ’s sake?!”

——————–

Zoot did a 7-things meme with a twist and asked readers to write their own variation, or something like that. I’m playing.

Regret isn’t a word I care to use. I don’t think of anything as a regret. Simply, a learning experience if you will. Regret carries a huge negative connotation and invokes a feeling of disappointment and well, that sucks. I can’t have that kind of a weight on my shoulders. I regret nothing.

However, I look at kids growing up today and the loose boundaries under which they live and it makes me wonder, why didn’t I ever do that? Most of the time the answer my brain kicks back is, “Because your mother would totally kick your ass!” And still, at almost 30 years old, that answer is good enough.

Here’s my 7-thing variation. The 7-Things I never did.

1. Dyed my hair a bizarre color like blue or pink. There is so still time for this. I did dye it black in college though and none of my alcoholic friends even noticed. I actually thought it looked good. Mom didn’t agree though. I came home for Thanksgiving and was taken straight to the salon where my hair was stripped and put back to “normal”. Who decides what normal is anyway!?

2. Shaved my head. Steph did! And I actually had an excuse to do so because of swimming. It was a bitch getting all my hair into a cap every day. Most of the girls on my team had the underside of their heads shaved and it only showed if their hair was in a pony-tail. But. Naw. Wouldn’t fly with momma-dukes. Marijuana would probably fly better than shaving my head though I didn’t test that theory either.

3. Got an apartment in the city. I actually talked about this with my Aunt recently. I wondered that if I had started Kindergarten when I was 5 instead of 4 if maybe I would’ve been more of a risk taker or more confident in my decision making in my adult life. She said that she and Mom had talked about holding me out of Kindergarten at length when the time rolled around. Being that they were both teachers and I was reading at 4, they decided to send me. I told her that I’d probably still be me anyway and living in the city just wasn’t me. And I’m okay with that.

4. Stayed out until dawn. I just get so damn tired at like 11:30! And even if I’m drinking Red Bull I’ve only ever made it to 4:30am. I’ve never seen a sunrise drunk. And I’m thinking I never will! And I’m okay with that, too.

5. Got a tattoo. EHH is pushing for this though. I’m on the fence. I think if I did it, I’d get a dragon-fly. I think they’re so cool looking. Even in real life. But I have no idea where I’d get it. I think the lower back is sorta cliche. And if I put it there, I’d never get to see it! What’s the point? Do you have a tattoo? What’d you get? Where’d you put it?

6. Broken a bone. Thank God for this one! I’ve had horrible sprains and tears. Some resulted in surgeries even. So bad that the doctors and physical therapists have told me that I would’ve been better off breaking whatever the part in question. Figures. I can’t even get hurt right!

7. Voted Republican. My sincere apologies to all the relatives I may have just disappointed. But, wow, I suddenly feel a lot lighter!

Play along! Post your 7-things! Whatever 7-things you want. 7 of you favorite words. 7 favorite songs. 7 mixed drinks you used to love but the thought of them now makes your stomach hurt. Tag! You’re it!