cough. cough. sputter. hork. cough. cough.

Stranger: “Is this cough seat hork cough cough taken?”

MP: “Um.  Yes.”

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“Ew! It smells so bad in here!”

“Ugh.  That is bad. Someone left a cheese platter!”

“Gross! Ew.  I might puke.”

…

“You wouldn’t have to hold your nose if you just breathe through your mouth.”

“Yeah.  I’ve never been able to do that.”

“What?”

“I can’t just stop air from going up my nose!”

“Why not?”

“Because!  That’s like rubbing your stomach and patting your head at the same time!  Who can do that?”

“You mean like this?”

“You suck.”

“Oh my God.  This is totally going on my blog later.”

“MINE TOO!”

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I listened to the 90’s station on my way home from work tonight and they had a pretty awesomely bad run of music for a good 30 minutes.

I caught the end of Mr. Wendell and sang along to the last few lines. (See: title of this post.) Sadly it ended and it was immediately followed by this really bad Jordon Knight song; the title escapes me right now, but I did get a little nostalgic.

Jordan was my favorite New Kid. While Steph swooned over Donnie, I was a Jordan girl. I had Teen Beat pin-ups of him all over my bedroom’s yellow walls. There was one picture of him on the wall by my bed that I kissed every night before I went to sleep. I loved Jordan. And his bad Danny Zuko hairstyle too.

He never was much of a solo artist having only one self-titled album. It may have sold a total of twelve copies. And so far he hasn’t been called to appear on Dancing with the Stars like Joey McIntyre, but I’m still secretly holding out for Jordan’s big break.

The next song was Heart’s All I Wanna Do Is Make Love to You. I have to admit that as much as I loved this song in the 90’s, I only recently (like in the last 3 hours) figured out what the lyrics actually meant! I’m really sad to admit that, but it’s true and OHMYGOD! Did you KNOW what this song is about!? NO? Okay, I’ll tell you:

See, this woman? She goes and seeks out this good looking guy? And they, like, have sex! In a hotel! A one night stand! And then she, like, leaves him this note and thanks him for “planting a tree” and then tells him to like, never look for her again. And then she HAS HIS BABY! And a few years later, she and the baby are like, walking down the street and they run into him! And he’s like, HOLY SHIT! That’s my kid! And she begs him to understand that she was in love with someone else the whole time, but he’s like sterile or something so she had to have sex with a STRANGER in order to get a baby because she wanted one SO bad! HOLY SHIT! The 90’s were like TOTALLY fucked up, Dude!

So I was singing away to this song all listening to the lyrics for the first time in 17 years and simultaneously my jaw is dropping out of my head! I’m so retarded. I shouldn’t be surprised. This is the same girl that was allowed to watch the movie Flashdance in 5^th grade. Why? Because I just thought it was about dancing! And I liked her legwarmers! Hi! Clueless!

Heart ended and I was ripped from my shock by the B52’s follow-up song to Loveshack: Roam. Even though Loveshack was the song Steph and I had a special dance to (well, it wasn’t as much of a dance as it was a run around the house with our arms over our heads like we were in our Chrysler as big as a whale, about to set sail. whOOOoooo!), I sang every word so loud that if this was broad daylight and I was stuck in traffic, many other drivers would reach their destination dying to tell people about the crazy blonde they saw singing at the top of her lungs while banging out the drum part on the steering wheel. Roam is just one of those super easy songs to learn and one whose words and melody you just don’t forget. Love it.

Soon I was jamming and head bopping to Informer’s Snow. And sorry, but 15 years later, I still have no freaking clue what the guy is saying, but hey! A lickey boom-boom down, y’all!

When Snow wrapped up, they played one of my favorite 90’s jams ever. Stone Temple Pilots, Plush. This is definitely a high school classic for me. For the 25 minutes of my senior year of high school that I was cool, it was because I could sing. I was in a band consisting of mostly hockey players that could also play guitar. We put on a Christmas concert because it was the only way the school would let us put on any kind of concert at all and sang a bunch of rock-ified Christmas tunes like Bon Jovi’s version of Run Run Rudolph. After the Christmas part of the show, we all hung out and performed some non-Christmas tunes. I remember singing both Open Arms and Faithfully by Journey, Better Man and Yellow Led Better (which was a major crowd pleaser) by Pearl Jam, and this very STP song which was NOT my strongest, but by then we were giddy and silly and just having a blast anyway.

Sidebar: Both Mom and Dad came to that concert not knowing what to expect. When I got home that night, high on endorphins, Mom had taped a piece of Xerox paper to my bedroom door. Scrawled in colored pencil were the words, “You’re Our Superstar!” and decorated around those words were stars and squiggles. It just capped my night. I slept with a huge smile on my face. I remember like it was yesterday.

When Plush ended, so did my 90’s memories. I pulled in the driveway and turned off the car. While popular opinion is that not a lot of great music came out of the 90’s (I’m looking at you Tommy Page), I was able to catch some great tunes and trip down memory lane. XM’s 90’s on 9 just earned itself a pre-set spot.

And I feel that times a wasted go
So where ya going to tomorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come
Would you even care?

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Today was a snow day! We got about 5″ of real snow, not that fake ice/sleet crap that showed up last week during the “Valentine’s Day Blizzard”. Yeah. Whatever.

Today was the real deal. EHH and I stayed home. I did work the whole day, but he ran around getting stuff done around the house. The man is unable to sit still.

The ice from last week’s storm was about 3″ thick making our deck very tundra-esque. While I was downstairs working, he was right over my head banging away with the shovel and kicking huge blocks of ice over the edge of the deck. The end result will definitely allow us to fill the bird feeder without taking our lives in our hands. He came down once looking for a hammer and then went right back to work–crash crash crash, bang bang bang.

An hour and a half later, he called to me to come up and “bring the camera”!

I walked around the corner and what I saw spread a huge smile across my face.

All together now… awwwwwwww.

It’s A snow family! That’s EHH, Me, RaRa and Booger. I’m the one with the boobs.

He used the cat’s crunchies for our eyes and nose, sticks from my dead mums for our hair, arms, and mouth, and he even poured orange juice on RaRa so that she was actually orange. If you notice, she’s alot a LOT fatter than Booger.

I had a tear in my eye when I saw the snow family. It was the sweetest gesture ever. And you can bet that when I come downstairs in the morning and I see that everything is melted with the exception of RaRa’s fat butt and my boobs, I will be super sad.

Thank you VERY much, Guy-Who-Invented-Digital-Photography! Because of you, my snow family will live on forever. And so will the moment I saw them.

Thank you EHH for making me smile and for being the most wonderful husband and best friend in the world. I love you.

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Francis Ford Coppola, Martin Scorsese, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas

This moment was definitely a high point of the show last night.

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